Official Wicked Fanfiction University
by sweet saturn
Summary: Just your everyday writing elitists and canon out to rid the realm of Wicked fanfiction of the plagues of bad grammar, canon violations, and the like. Pseduofans, MarySues, and bad fanfiction writers beware for severe consequences shall ensue!
1. The Grevious Errors of a PseudoFangirl

Disclaimer: I do not own _Wicked_ (the book and musical) or _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.

This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.

For all those interested, the enrollment form included in here can be copied, filled, out and sent to me via email. Do NOT post the form on the review board. You don't necessarily have to be a terrible writer (they are automatically drafted), but you do have to have a sense of humor and a desire to improve. I'm also looking for a few staff members, so if interested send me an email outlining your qualifications, and _briefly_ describing why you want to be a staff member. I reserve the right to reject anyone I deem unfit, as I am an elitist bitch.

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Ch. 1: The Grievous Errors of a Pseudo-Fangirl 

"Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!" belted out Abby Clark as she sat down to embark on her latest fanfiction expedition which involved the characters from Stephen Swartz's musical "Wicked" which in turn was based off of Gregory McGuire's book. Now, she hadn't exactly seen the musical nor read the book, but she had listened to the soundtrack over and over and seen enough pirated clips of the show to fancy herself expert enough to write a fanfic based off the musical.

"That's the best song in the show, next to 'For Good' of course. Elphaba and Glinda are the greatest pair of friends ever put together!" Abby sighed. At that moment inspiration struck. "I'm going to write a songfic!" she declared. "The intro will be made of song lyrics and the plot will be the thoughts going through the characters heads at the time of the song! No one's done that before!"

A week later, Abby finally completed the first chapter of what she considered her latest masterpiece (though it lacked any form of grammar, spelling, and adherence to the canon) and had just posted it on Fanfiction Dot Net. After refreshing the screen every five seconds, for nearly three hours, she finally found she had gotten a review. It read:

_I'm sorry; this story was found to be in violation of the standards of proper Wicked fanfiction writing, set by The Official Wicked Fanfiction University (OWFU). It shall be removed exactly one minute after this notice has been read. Furthermore, it has also been found that you have failed to fulfill the requirements necessary for being a licensed Wicked fanfiction writer. Until you have enrolled in The Official Wicked Fanfiction University and passed the courses required to obtain a degree and license from the university, you will furthermore be banned from the realm of fanfiction. Upon acquiring the degree and license, the ban shall be lifted. Information about and the documents for enrollment will be sent to you shortly. Refusal to attend shall result in severe consequences. Any further attempts to spread the plague of terrible fanfiction will result in **dire** consequences._

_Sincerely,_

_Miss Lan, Esteemed, Headmistress and Course Coordinator_

In exactly one minute, a little less than the time it took to change pages with a fast connection, Abby found in place of her story a rather long form.

"_Please print and fill out_" it said. Following the instructions was a long list of questions, which to Abby made no sense.

"_Name:_

_Pen-Name (the name you put on your stories):_

_Age:_

_Stories Written please include the title(s):_

_Preferred Plot (i.e. sequel, alternate universe):_

_Pairings (i.e. Elphaba/Fiyero, Glinda/Elphaba):_

_Lust Objects (i.e. Fiyero, Boq):_

_Bookverse, Musicalverse, Bookverse **and** Musicalverse, or Crossover:_

_Green or Pink:_

_Black is (fill in blank): _

_Grammar is (fill in blank): _

_Ever attended a Grammar Boot Camp session (yes or no):_

_You write:_

_Because (fill in blank): _

_Using stereotypes (yes or no):_

_In or out of character:_

_In first, second, or third person:_

_In present or past tense:_

_Slash (yes or no):_

_Mary-Sues (yes or no):_

_Have you:_

_Seen the show:_

_Read the book:_

_Done neither, but have the soundtrack and listen to it twenty-four/seven:_

_Party or Study:_

_Major:_

_Favorite Character:_

_Wicked or Not:_

_Fears:_

_Goals:_

_Have you previously been enrolled in any another Fanfiction University (if so please name the university):_

_Although you basically have no choice in the matter, thank you for enrolling. From the staff of OWFU, we look forward to seeing you attempting to improve, pass, and survive over the upcoming year. Please note that your information will only be made public only to the members of the OWFU staff for our own personal use and entertainment. Once again we must convey our best wishes. _

_Sincerely,_

_Miss Lan, Esteemed Headmistress and Course Coordinator"_

"What a bitch!" exclaimed Abby. "Who is she to tell me I can't write fanfiction! Since when did you have to follow standards in fanfiction! It's fanfiction for pity's sake! I can do whatever I want! I'll show her! I'm not wasting my time filling out this stupid thing!"

Abby then proceeded to open up her word processor and begin typing an even _better_ fanfic. This one was to be a sequel to the show. She had at least read a summary that included spoilers.

"In Kiyamo Ko (that's Fiyero's house) Elfie and Fiyero sat down to eat. Fiyero noticed his lover was looking very sad. He knew this because he saw she wasn't hardly eating anything, and the food was her favorit. He says, 'Wut's wrong baby?' 'I'm so sad Glinda can't be with us. She wuz my best friend!' says Elfie breakin down to tears," Abby typed or at least that's what she thought.

Looking back up at the monitor she found her work had once again been replaced with another message from the stupid lady trying to get her to go to the stupid school.

_You have been warned once and made aware of the consequences of refusing to enroll and continuing with your atrocious writing. Five seconds ensuing the reading of this message, you shall receive your punishment due. If there is any room remaining, you will be sent a late enrollment form. If there is not space available for you to enroll, your punishment will be eventually removed within the course of a week. Additionally, you will be kept on probation and under heavy surveillance until the next year. I do hope you will think to follow instructions then._

_Sincerely,_

_Miss Lan, Esteemed, Headmistress, Course-Coordinator, and Disciplinarian a.k.a. Elitist Bitch_

"Huh?" was all Abby could think. Her puny, pseudo fan-girl mind hadn't even had time to comprehend the message before she was sucked into a swirling vortex.

When she finally regained consciousness, Abby felt very strange. She looked down to see that she was somehow several feet above ground. She took in her surroundings. She was in a cornfield. Her neck began to ache.

"Oh no," she groaned as she attempted to move it. She had been hung up and bound tightly to a metal post in the position of scarecrow. The sun was bearing relentlessly down on her head, causing her extreme discomfort. Then the crows came.

Lan simply shook her head as she gazed through Elphaba's green glass plate.

"Pseudo-fangirls are the worst of their kind, especially when they think they know enough about a show or book to write a fanfic about it."

"Seems kind of extreme to do that to her though," commented Fiyero. He could definitely empathize with the girl, although he wasn't too fond of her. Being strung up and left hanging on a post for a prolonged period of time was not fun.

"She deserves it. That's someone who I would say is truly 'wicked,'" replied Elphaba vehemently. "I would never break down like that."

"Oh, well that's saying a lot about our friendship," said an affronted Glinda who had just entered the room.

"It's says quite a lot about our friendship, that you don't know by now that I would never act like that. I do mourn for the people I've lost, but in my own way."

"You mean bitter sarcasm!"

"It's not as if you could pull it off!"

"Are you implying that I'm just a dumb blonde?"

"Why else would so many writers portray you that way?"

"Oh…you…" Glinda sputtered at a loss for words. "Fiyero!" she said, turning to Fiyero for support.

Fiyero helplessly looked from Glinda to Elphaba and back. "Ummm…Fae…save it for…the students…" he said a little timidly.

"This is hardly a taste of what _they'll_ receive," said Elphaba maliciously.

"Oh, yes. We have much in store for them," added MissLan joining the conversation.


	2. What Comes of Not Knowing One's Fandom

Disclaimer: I do not own _Wicked_ (the book and musical) or _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.

This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.

Attention: Do NOT proceed with reading this story if you possess no sense of humor. A few spoilers are also present. Extreme exaggeration also takes place quite frequently.

AN: To "Abby," whoever you are, yes I will agree fanfiction is for fun, although our definitions of "fun" clearly differ from one another. As I already know I'm a bitch, there was no need for the reminder.

To my other reviewers and supporters out there: love, kisses, and kudos to you all! Special thanks to Emily--the guidance counselor for introducing me to FFN and OFUM, and also to Devil's Advocate who caught my one slip-up. I always appreciate _friendly_ advice, and uh…go read Emily's (Makoto-47) fanfics.

In case anyone was wondering, yes I have both seen the show and read the book, and I literally have been through Grammar Boot Camp.

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Ch. 2:What Comes of Not Knowing One's Fandom or Round One Fight: Pseduo-Fangirl Versus Obsessive Fangirl

Abby staggered to the train under the weight of her massive suitcase. After she'd been released from her punishment, she wasted no time in filling out the enrollment form. Who knew what else the crazy woman would do? Abby had come out of the situation whole but rather disheveled and scratched. She also bore a newfound dislike of crows, and an extremely "rosy" complexion. She was very upset about the latter as it ruined her perfect porcelain doll and Glinda-like complexion.

"Here, Miss, I'll take that," said a man who was collecting the baggage. Abby, gladly handed over the suitcase. The man's arm was nearly torn off as the unexpected weight of the suitcase pulled it to the ground.

The amount of people on the train was great. It took a little while for Abby to find a compartment with room. Finally finding a space to sit down, Abby settled in for the ride and looked around at her fellow companions.

"Wow, I thought I loved 'Wicked,'" said Abby silently to herself. The girl sitting across from her was bedecked in "Wicked" fan-wear. A typical black pointy hat sat atop her long, jet-black and obviously dyed hair. Her black t-shirt read "Wicked" across the front in large, bold, white letters. She sported the "Elphaba" necklace and earring set that sold for quite the penny. A keychain depicting the playbill cover hung from one of her belt loops. Even her pants had "Wicked" and various song lyrics and quotes splayed across them, though it was clear the words were written on manually with sharpie pens. If she'd gone as far as to dress this way, why wasn't her skin painted green, wondered Abby. The girl looked like she didn't want to be bothered; she was heavily engrossed in reading some book. Abby didn't like books; she preferred the song, dance, and lights of a Broadway show. If only she could get the chance to see "Wicked."

On her right was an average female Elf with blonde hair, blue eyes, and the rest of characteristics native to elves. "Elves…in 'Wicked?'" Abby was pretty sure there weren't any elves in Oz as far as she knew, but then again she had watched 'The Wizard of Oz' when she was ten and only cared about Dorothy, well, Glinda too. Maybe that guy who wrote the book _Wicked_, what was his name, something MacGuire, put Elves in the story. Maybe this girl was headed to one of the other fanfiction universities, and she was on the wrong train.

"Hey, this is the train for 'Wicked' fanfic writers," Abby said turning to the Elf.

"I know," replied the Elf with a toss of her long, pale blonde hair. "I'm Lauren," she said extending her hand.

"I'm Abby," said Abby shaking the offered hand. "Lauren. Shouldn't your name be like Laurel or TreeFern or Lily or some sort of nature name?"

"My parents had no imagination," Lauren answered.

"Since we're doing introductions, my name's Cathleen," said the girl sitting to the right of the extreme looking fangirl. She wore glasses and her dirty-blonde hair was plaited into a braid.

The boy on the left across from Abby was named Ethan.

"I'm Elphaba," said the girl on Abby's left.

"What did you say?" asked the fangirl in a low and dangerous tone as she looked up from her book.

"I'm Elphaba," repeated the girl.

"Oh no, wrong answer," thought Abby. She shifted away from the girl.

"Have you read the book?" asked the fangirl.

"Well…no…I started it, but then it just got too depressing.

"How far did you get?

"Through the first chapter. I know the basic plot though; I read a summary of it.

"Have you seen the show?

"My best friend did, and she told me all about it. I'm going to see it myself next weekend. I have the soundtrack though, and I absolutely love it! Elphaba is awesome! I never stop listening to my soundtrack!

"Do you know who she's played by?

"Umm…isn't the lady's name like Idina something?

"It's Idina Menzel.

"Oh yeah, that's right.

"Why did you say your name was 'Elphaba'?

"Oh, because I identify sooooo much with her; I mean I might as well be her.

"THE HELL YOU ARE!" screamed the fangirl as she lunged towards the "Elphaba." Her green contact lenses made her eyes appear quite scary as they blazed with fury. The obsessive fangirl proceeded to attempt to strangle the pseudo-fangirl who dared to say she was "Elphaba."

Although most of the other people in the compartment had seen the show, none had read the book. All feared for their lives and prayed that the crazed fan wouldn't find out that they hadn't read the book. Paralyzed with fear, they could do nothing but watch the scene take place.

"Elphaba" by now was turning rather pale due to lack of Oxygen. She was desperately trying to claw the hands of the obsessive fangirl off her throat.

Her attacker kept screaming things like "I'M ELPHABA! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE ACTRESS'S NAME! GREGORY MAGUIRE IS GOD! WICKED IS THE BEST DAMN BOOK IN THE WORLD, BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT WOULD YOU!"

When it seemed the end for "Elphaba" was inevitable, security broke in. It took a person and a Rhinoceros to yank the rabid girl off her.

"Psuedo-fangirl versus obsessive fangirl?" asked the woman who had helped to free "Elphaba," looking to Abby.

Abby, still petrified, nodded.

The obsessive fangirl was struggling to get free, and continued to hurl curses at the pseudo-fangirl. She was held firmly by the Rhinoceros.

"I think we've resolved this situation," said the Rhinoceros. "We'll put her with the other crazed fans. They can rage all they like to one another under lock and key."

"Thanks," wheezed "Elphaba" who was slowly regaining her color. The woman and Rhinoceros left, hauling with them the fangirl whose name Abby had yet to find out.

"You're going to change your name now right?" Abby asked "Elphaba."

"Of course not, I _am_ Elphaba."

"Oh boy, this is not going to be the end of it," thought Abby.


	3. Thinking of Defying Gravity?

Disclaimer: I do not own _Wicked_ (the book and musical) or _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.

This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.

AN: Salmon pink is one of the _ugliest_ colors, if not _the_ ugliest, in the world!

Also, I don't know if this is going to work, but if you go to The University of Louisville and love Wicked, email me, especially if you're the girl who, last Friday (Sept. 10—so you know this is recent), wore the black official "Wicked" t-shirt and passed a short, Asian girl wearing a polka dot shirt who stopped and stared speechless at you for a good minute or two.

**Important Notice:** To everyone who's enrolled thus far, make sure to read the fine print at the bottom of your acceptance letter. To those applying, please add a **brief** physical and personality description to the enrollment form or send it separately, and be humorous about it. To all those interested in a staff position, you must be a well-established writer to even be considered for a position. In other words, you've been writing a while and are proficient at not only writing but grammar as well. If you don't post please send me a sample of your writing. Do NOT email me saying, "Hey, I wanna be on staff. What do I do?"

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Ch. 3: Thinking of "Defying Gravity?" Not a Good Idea.

"Could someone please tell the Tinman to can it!" yelled Lan from her office. She was experimenting with a variety of expressions she hoped to intimidate students with. Immediately after she said it, she took the remark back, "Wait! Hold up! Stop! Rewind! Bad pun! Just tell him to be quiet; this isn't the set of 'The Wizard of Oz' you know!" She went back to practicing her facial expressions from an icy gaze to a clever smirk. It was very important that she looked imposing on the first day as she was rather short in stature and was often not taken seriously because of it.

"Begging the all mighty headmistress's pardon," drawled Elphaba sarcastically. "I know this will be a grave disappointment to you, but the whistle that just sounded was made by the train that just arrived carrying all our lovely little pupils, not the Tinman singing."

"Oh," replied Lan. She paused momentarily to think. "Well, then head out with everyone else to meet the students."

"Gladly," muttered Elphaba discontentedly as she turned and left.

Back on the train, Abby and the other members in her compartment were becoming increasingly excited as they felt the train begin to slow.

"We're going to Shiz, we're going to Shiz, we're going to Shiz," sang Abby, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Hey," said Ethan. "Oh, hallowed halls, and vine-draped walls," he began in a slightly off-key voice. The rest of the group quickly caught on, and soon the entire body of students on the train was singing the rest of "Dear Old Shiz;" very few of the people were actually on-key.

Right as the train began to slow to a stop and one student prepared to go into Glinda's famous aria, a loud booming voice sounded throughout the train.

"For the sanity of all, please refrain from any further attempts at singing or severe consequences shall ensue."

That stopped the girl right then and there. She, like so many others, had learned from experience the meaning of "severe consequences."

The train finally halted.

"Everyone off!" ordered the conductor. The students quickly gathered themselves and any belongings they had kept with themselves on the train. The obsessive fans had taken their aggression out on one another, thus they were not a current threat to the lives of the other fans. Once they had finished bashing the pseudo-fans, they turned on one another, each insisting that he or she was the exact image of a canon character.

The crazed girl that Abby had met bore some nasty scratches and a couple of bite marks; her hat was ripped and sat at a skewed angle on her head. A smug look was on her face; clearly, she was the victor in the battle for the title of "Elphaba."

Abby planned on avoiding her at all costs.

"Hey, how far are we from Shiz?" she asked Lauren.

"I don't know. We can't be far though," replied Lauren. Her "acute" Elvish senses were suddenly alerted. "I'd say we'll be at Shiz very shortly. I hear the sound of carriages."

"Umm…they're coming around the corner," pointed out Abby.

"Of course they are, but only _I_ could _hear_ them," replied Lauren.

"Riiiight," thought Abby.

"Oooo…maybe we'll get to meet some of the canon characters," squealed Cathleen. "Oh man! Please let Fiyero be there! Come on God! Just this once help me out here!" she prayed.

"Fiyero is nice, but Boq is sooooo cute!" exclaimed another fan girl.

"Glinda is HOT!" added Ethan. He decided he'd speak for the small male Wicked fanfiction writer population.

"Oh my God! Glinda, Boq, _and_ Fiyero," thought another student by the name of Colleen. "That's almost too much hot to handle!" She was desperately trying not to go into cardiac arrest at the thought of all three of her lust objects being present in the same place at once.

The carriages all came to a halt. Slowly, the canon characters began to emerge. The group was led by the single most worshipped idol in all of Wicked fandom. The students felt they ought to pay homage to this character of characters, but all they managed to achieve was staring with their mouths and eyes wide open in awe of this green goddess of fiction.

Once the shock had passed, the majority of the mass turned their attention to Fiyero. He wasn't clothed out of the ordinary; he wore only a shirt, vest, pants, and boots, much to the disappointment of the fangirls who'd read the book. They had been hoping for a low-cut shirt that would allow them to see the pattern of blue diamonds went unbroken from his face down to his chest.

The girls' eyes went hazy and their tongues lolled out the sides of their mouths. The beginnings of a flood were starting to form due to all the drool. Although the musical fangirls, who hadn't read the book, were wondering why he had blue diamonds tattooed on him.

Fiyero eyed them warily and maintained a distance of several feet. Their hormones finally kicking into overdrive, the girls attempted to pounce on the Arjiki prince. Fiyero looked panicked. Then a crash of thunder sounded; every girl had tripped and fallen face flat on the hard ground.

Elphaba stood watching smugly. The advantage of being part of this university was that she could make use of her traits from both the musical and book, magic being one of them.

"One of the first rules you will learn here is that stampeding is _not_ permitted. You will maintain your disgusting, hormonal selves _far_ from _any_ of the staff, particularly Fiyero!" she snapped. "Now, listen carefully and put away all your ridiculous ideas to try and seduce any of the canon characters!"

"What if they try and seduce one of us?" asked one girl smartly, eying Avaric, who was looking rather promiscuous, in the process.

"There will be _no_ staff-student liaisons occurring here," affirmed Elphaba, giving Avaric a dark look, which he pretended not to see. "Back to the matter at hand," she said turning back to face the crowd menacingly. The girls who had been part of the stampede began rising slowly, rubbing their scratched faces, and checking for broken noses, of which there were quite a few.

"We each will be reading aloud a list of names. After hearing your name called, you will proceed to fetch your luggage, follow the faculty member you are called by, and load it on to the coach you will be traveling in. There will be _no_ switching coaches or attempts to sneak in with your favorite character. Now, if there are no other dim-witted questions, we shall proceed with the plan at hand."

One fangirl timidly raised her hand.

"Yes?" inquired Elphaba.

"Ummm, could you sing 'Defying Gravity' for me, I mean us students?" asked the girl. "You don't have to sing the whole thing, just you know, the part where you go 'So if you care to find me look to the western sky!'" she added.

"Yes, please!" chorused the entire group.

"And then sing 'What is This Feeling' with Glinda!" shouted out Abby. Glinda frowned.

"No 'Popular!'" exclaimed another fan.

"Forget those! Sing 'As Long as You're Mine!'" Fiyero winced.

Furiously, Elphaba began whacking each person who had requested a song atop the head with the handle of her broom. She went back and forth in a line, cracking her broom against the skull of a person each time she said a word.

"The, number, one, rule, of, this, school, is, there, are, to, be, no, song, requests, made, ever!" She finished by striking hardest the cranium of the person who first suggested she sing, which ironically was one of her many name-sakes (specifically the one Abby knew).

"From this point on, no one is allowed to ask a question until we get to the university! Miss Lan can deal with you then!" bellowed Elphaba tyrannically.

All the students stood petrified, with the exception of Abby and the other three who had made song requests. The four of them wobbled dazedly. Everyone however remained mute as they knew by now "severe consequences would ensue" if they didn't.

"Now, Morrible, if you will begin," stated Elphaba as she gave dagger looks to all the students.

Madame Morrible stepped forward. "'Elphaba,' 'Galinda,' 'Elphie,' 'Maureen,' 'Glinda,' 'Abby,' 'Lauren the Elf,' 'El_f_ie…'"

Abby noted that Elphaba was starting to look more and more peevish as the number of people who possessed her name increased.

Abby was glad she had used her real name, although, if she _hadn't_ used her actual name, she would've of course gone by the name of "Galinda the Pink." Then again, Glinda was "Glinda the Good;" she wouldn't likely have the same reaction as Elphaba. Glinda, in fact, had seemed quite the image of calm. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad idea to name herself after Glinda.

After managing to load her heavy suitcase onto the back of the coach, Abby quickly got inside the carriage and claimed a seat by the window. She was one of the few girls who had brought only one suitcase, therefore she'd quickly been able to retrieve and load her luggage.

After about fourty-five minutes of waiting, all the girls were situated and Madame Morrible had finally taken her place. Some of the girls, having brought way too many bags, were forced to leave most of their items at the station.

"But, I can't leave my stuff here! Someone will steal it!" was the common cry.

"If you had read your information packets, you would have known that you were permitted only two items of luggage. I assure you that your excess bags will be awaiting you at the end of the year. This conversation has now ended," replied Madame Morrible.

Abby had apparently lucked out as she had forgotten to read the information packet.

The girls who had over packed sat sulkily, glaring at Madame Morrible who ignored them. Was it just her, thought Abby, or was the "Glinda" sitting across from her starting to turn a rather dark shade of salmon pink?


	4. Quoth the Raven

Disclaimer: I do not own _Wicked_ (the book and musical) or _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.

The title and ending quote are from the poem "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe—a deeply troubled man with a knack for horror.

This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.

AN: I was inspired to write the introduction by the girls on my floor who, at ten o'clock at night, were arguing about what they were going to wear out that night. If you haven't read OFUM or any of its spin-offs, then you'll find out the purpose of the "minis" in addition to what they are spawned from in the next chapter. I will use real names only if your pen-name isn't an actual name or sounds awkward. College classes are sucking the life and creativity out of me, so updates will be sporadic. Also, if you haven't done so, go read my much better and more serious "Wicked" fanfic, "Changed for the Better."

Thanks to all my reviewers, participants, and staff which includes Emily, Lady Bianca, and AnimeLuvr1. Also, lots of love and thanks to Yvi because she's just an awesome person who sends me nice emails and provides great constructive criticism.

Emily: I borrowed your quote, and I love you much. Don't worry, the "Ooks" will still be featured, just not as the "minis."

**Important Note:** To everyone seeking to enroll or apply for a staff position, FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS! They are clearly displayed at the beginning of each of the last three chapters. In addition to that, please do NOT review me saying something along the lines of "write my chapter" as you will only succeed in irritating me. Everyone who's enrolled will be featured in good time.

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Chapter 4: "Quoth the Raven..." or The Art of Flaming Discovered 

"You can't wear pink! I'm wearing pink!" screamed Glinda-number-twelve at Glinda-number-twenty.

"Pink is _so_ _my_ color!" insisted Twenty.

"I _so_ planned to wear it yesterday!" retorted Twelve.

"Well, you're _so_ gonna have to find another color to wear because _I'm_ wearing pink!" said Twenty.

"_I_ wear pink _everyday_! So, both of you are going to have to wear another color!" interjected not another Glinda, but PhantomAngel22.

The girls continued to squabble about whose color was actually pink, what days each of them wore pink, and who planned to wear it first today. They seemed almost on the verge of becoming violent.

Abby groaned in defeat. She was not going to be able to sleep in this morning. Rolling out of bed, she groggily searched around for her toiletries. Once they were obtained, she headed out to the lavatory. When she returned, it seemed the girls had finally reached a compromise of sorts. All wore pink, but each of the shades differed.

Abby proceeded to open her suitcase and rummage through her clothes. She needed something to catch Glinda's attention, something that would make her stand out from all the other Glinda fangirls. She wanted to wear a shade of pink never seen by Glinda. The good witch would then ask her as to where she came across this lovely shade of pink. Abby would tell her, and Glinda would insist upon Abby showing her the place immediately. That would be the first of many shopping trips they would embark on. Soon, they would be inseparable, the best of friends, and any friend so dear to Glinda would eventually become dear to Elphaba as well; that was what Abby reasoned anyway.

"Hey, guys, what pink are you all wearing?" asked Abby. She knew she couldn't wear the same shade of pink as any of the other girls in her room not only because she would fail to stand out but also due to the fact that she'd end up in a heated argument with one of the girls about it.

"Rose, Peony, Carnation," responded Glinda-number-twenty, PhantomAngel22, and Glinda-number-twelve in corresponding order.

Abby nodded, plucking out three shirts, a pair of pants, and four skirts that were any one of the colors mentioned. There was still a wide variety of pink left in her wardrobe. She decided to wear blue jeans and a hot pink, quarter-length sleeved shirt with silver glitter stars. It would definitely impress Glinda, Abby thought, as it was both pink _and_ sparkly.

She was suddenly aware that Glinda-number-twenty was glowering at her.

"You're wearing _my_ shirt," she said coldly. Abby looked at her shirt and then at Twenty's; they were identical with the exception of color.

"I'm not changing," said Abby, crossing her arms. She stared, equally as cold, back at the other girl. Neither of the two planned to leave until the other had changed.

Meanwhile, Miss Lan paced around her office, muttering words, and gesturing wildly. She was practicing her welcome speech and analyzing ever aspect of it to make sure that it was imposing enough as well as grammatically correct.

Emily, the guidance counselor, sat at the desk intently doodling colorful pictures with a box of sixty-four crayons—one of the rare uncanonical items in OWFU.

Professor Spork was attempting to count and make a list of all the Mini-Time Dragons. It was important to keep track of them not because they posed a danger to the students but because of the havoc they could wreck if not accounted for.

Lady Bianca was creating a lengthy and detailed syllabus for her course in cannon accuracy.

"OR SEVERE CONSEQUENCES SHALL ENSUE!" thundered Miss Lan slamming her hand down on the desk, startling the other three people, as she finished her speech. "Did that sound intimidating enough?" she asked.

"It certainly emphasizes your point," noted Lady Bianca.

"It should be quite effective at instilling fear,'" said Emily, who, having recovered from her startled state, began drawing an exaggerated portrait of an angry Miss Lan, complete with squinty eyes and a large, open mouth.

"You sounded as loud as the Time Dragon's roar," said Professor Spork, nodding her head in agreement.

Miss Lan listened to her co-workers comments, pleased. Apparently the voice projection spell she had requested from Elphaba worked.

"Almost time for the introduction meeting," she said glancing at her watch.

"Should be fun," said Emily looking up from her drawing.

"Let's head out then," added Professor Spork as she walked out of the office still adding to her list. Lady Bianca and Emily followed suit. Miss Lan was last to leave as she locked the door. She didn't want any fangirls getting into and tampering with her documents and tools for running the university. Also, she wanted to prevent her personal space from being contaminated by lousy fanfiction writers and pseudo-fans.

Caitlin Marie Reilly was coming down the stairs. She was trying to find her way to auditorium using a detailed map of Shiz's campus. She couldn't read a map to save her life. She failed to notice that there were clearly posted signs directing the way to the auditorium.

"Ohhh, I'm sowwie" she said in an overly cheery voice as she bumped into someone. She looked down to find that she had bumped into a person who was tinier than her already "tiny" height of five feet, three inches tall. "Finally, a normal Ozian," thought Caitlin when she saw that the person she had run into had brown eyes. She couldn't understand why she kept running into all these blue-eyed Ozians. Everyone knew that all Ozians had brown eyes.

"Excuse me," said Miss Lan politely.

"I'm Caitlin Marie Reilly," the girl in front of Miss Lan said, her voice so sweet that it was enough to drive a person into Diabetic Shock. Miss Lan wanted to go into an epileptic fit. "But, I go by 'Kat' 'cuz 'Caitlin Marie Reilly' is soooo awful. Also, I often go by the name 'The Raven.'" The girl smiled again; Miss Lan could feel the fit coming on.

"She hasn't given you cause to hurt her yet, so keep control," thought Miss Lan silently. "I'm Miss Lan, the headmistress," she said.

"Oh, your soooo uber kool! I'm soooo honored you let me be in this kool university thingie of yours!"

"'Kool university thingie,'" thought Miss Lan. "Wow, what an eloquent description." Aloud and in a very _cool_ tone she said, "Yes, well, you did exceed the 'basic requirements' for enrollment; I'm glad you chose to enroll of your own free will." "And I'm going to have fun breaking you down," she added silently.

"Yes, well I've been told I'm a good writer," arrogantly responded the girl, tossing her black hair that was pulled back in a "perfect" ponytail that had not a single strand out of place.

"And the person who told you that was probably on drugs," thought Miss Lan.

One thing Miss Lan did not like was arrogance, especially from bad writers, well in addition to rudeness, poor grammar, bad spelling, lack plot development, people incapable of tolerating constructive criticism, people who couldn't recognize constructive criticism, Mary-Sues, and all around stupid people—almost all of these characteristics applied to Caitlin Marie Reilly.

"I know Sorcery isn't among the courses offered, but I was wondering, since I have these powers which are darker than Elphaba's, if perhaps you could make an allowance. It would be simply awful if I made something blow up or disappear because I didn't have the proper training. I do so love magic," said the girl finally getting to the point after rambling for about five minutes.

"Wouldn't it be awful if you just simply disappeared or blew up," thought Miss Lan. Extreme torture was one of the methods commonly employed by fanfiction universities everywhere. This girl obviously didn't have any sense in her; she had made herself into a Mary-Sue. She was lucky that she was at OWFU and not wandering around the realm of fanfiction. She'd be dead the minute she entered a fandom. It took only a brief glance for people to know instantly whether or not you were a Mary-Sue, and directly following that glance would be the end. Did she honestly think that she was going to be automatically adored by everyone she met? And that Miss Lan would willingly cater to her?

Aloud, Miss Lan said, bluntly, "No."

"What!" exclaimed Caitlin Marie Reilly. She couldn't understand why Miss Lan had not instantly taken a liking to her.

"No," repeated Miss Lan. "If you need a definition, please feel free to make use of the library's vast collection of dictionaries."

"But I have powers! See?" said The Raven, conjuring a small ball of flames in her hand.

"I have power too. It's called, 'authority,'" Miss Lan replied, failing to pay attention to the display as she stepped past the girl. She was determined to be punctual at the ceremony.

"Excuse me, I do _not_ like rudeness," "The Raven" called after smartly.

"I'm shocked; we actually have something in common," Miss Lan said, unfazed. However, she noticeably quickened her walking pace.

The Raven was determined to gain some sort of recognition for her "talents." Catching up to Miss Lan, she continued to harangue the headmistress to brink of insanity.

Finally, having neared the auditorium, Miss Lan, in a moment of pure randomness caused by extreme desperation, turned around wildly and exclaimed, "OH, LOOK! IT'S JESUS!"

"WHERE!" asked "The Raven," in an excited tone. She whirled around to face the direction Miss Lan was looking in and madly searched about for the holy figure. The headmistress seized the opportunity to dash into the haven that was the auditorium.

Abby was sitting sulkily waiting for the arrival of the headmistress and the start of the opening ceremony. She had lost to Glinda-number-twenty in the battle for the shirt, and the fact that the real Glinda had complimented the wannabe only worsened the situation. It wasn't fair. She had been outnumbered when it came to voting on the best way to settle the situation; the majority of the group felt that a "Wicked" trivia test, specifically related to Glinda would determine who deserved to wear the shirt that would definitely obtain the attention of Glinda.

Since Abby had only read a summary, listened to the soundtrack, and seen a few clips of the show, she was automatically at a disadvantage. Then, following more arguing, the other girls decided to incorporate facts from the book as well. At that moment, any slight chance Abby had of winning dissipated.

When a fangirl burst late into the auditorium, panting, Abby was glad to see she wasn't the only one whose day had gotten off to a bad start. This girl must also be one of the die-hard "Wicked" fans thought Abby. She was wearing an old-fashioned, yet pretty, black dress, complete with boots that matched the style of the dress. Her hair was pulled back neatly in a bun.

"I wonder how comfortable she is," pondered Abby. "That outfit doesn't look like it was designed for running or a twelve-year-old."

The girl quickly regained her composure. She drew herself up to her full height, tilted her head up high, and bore a confident expression as she strode down to and ascended on to the platform. Abby's mouth, and those of many others, dropped at the sight of the cannon characters nodding slightly at her. The three non-canon characters on stage moved towards and seemingly began to confer with her.

"What does she think she can get away with being up there and acting like she's all that because she's so young, short, and cute!" thought a riled Abby. "They're going to give it to her, and it's gonna serve her right!"

"I can't believe she's that close to Fiyero and not making any moves toward him! If I were that close, I 'd be all over him! Forget Elphaba!" cried Hannah, the largest Fiyero glomper, enviously.

The entire audience was expecting the girl to get sharply reprimanded and struck down by lightning at the least. One could imagine the shock they received when the girl stepped behind the podium on the stage which, strangely, she looked taller behind.

Before stepping onto the stool cleverly built into and hidden behind the podium, Miss Lan turned to Emily and asked, "Do you think I should tell them right off the bat? The shock might kill them you know."

"Nah," replied Emily. "If the shock of learning that their fanfiction was horrible didn't kill them, then I hardly doubt that telling them your real age will."

Abby continued to stare in disbelief at the petite female on the stage. Where was the headmistress? Surely she wouldn't allow a random fangirl, let alone a twelve-year-old one, to take her place. Wait a minute, no, the girl, she couldn't be, holy shit, she was!

"Ok, let's get the facts straight!" said Miss Lan projecting her voice so that it boomed throughout the room much to her delight. "You will address me as Miss Lan; that's pronounced "L-AW-N" NOT "L-ANN." No, I am not twelve! I am currently eighteen years old. Yes, I am short! I am four foot, nine and a half inches tall. No, I am not Chinese! I'm Vietnamese. Yes, I am the headmistress and a bitch! No, I will not answer your stupid questions! Yes, you have good cause to fear me! No, I am not finished!"

With that statement, everyone's mouths closed up, and all questions were silenced.

"Now, I introduce to you my staff..."

"Miss Lan! Miss Lan!" interrupted a familiar, syrupy voice.

"Sweet Oz, no!" the headmistress thought.

"I couldn't find Jesus!" continued a pale, black haired girl, with rimless glasses, whose eyes "twinkled innocently" as she approached the stage.

"Well, that is too bad," Miss Lan replied dryly. "Now, please find and take a seat."

"You know it was very rude of you to leave me behind like that, and you couldn't even tell me where Jesus was!" The Raven proceeded to climb up the stairs and onto the stage.

The audience leaned forward in anticipation of what would happen next.

Elphaba moved guardedly in front of Fiyero.

Miss Lan stepped down from her stool and crossed the stage.

Lady Bianca smirked. Poetic Justice was about to be served.

Professor Spork looked away. She couldn't watch.

The rest of the canon characters moved backward. Crope and Tibbett were taking and placing bets as to what Miss Lan's reaction would be.

Emily, who brought along paper and her box of sixty-four crayons almost everywhere she went, whipped out a fresh sheet of paper and held a crayon in hand, ready to immortalize the moment in art.

The bold fangirl continued her spiel. "And you know I don't like rudeness! I have these powers you know, if you bothered to read my story you would know that! Of course you probably didn't though, and I worked soooo hard on it! I soooo make an awesome fourth witch of Oz! You just can't or don't want to recognize talent when you see it! I enrolled in this school, so that I could show everyone my talent as a sorceress and writer..."

Miss Lan was fuming. The girl would not shut up about how great she and her story were. She actually believed she was accepted into OWFU based on talent! Talent didn't come about until you were out! Until then, a person had _potential_. Although very familiar with her no flaming policy, the headmistress was in serious danger of violating it.

In an attempt to calm down, Miss Lan thought back to the many lessons learned in her past English classes. Maybe she could find one that would apply to this situation. "Southern, Valley Girl English teachers that also taught German were psycho, never leave your gate open, the proper pronunciation for dauphin was 'daw-fin,' and in a Shakespearean tragedy everyone died. Hmm...none of those were any good. What was that one phrase, Mr. Toy, her sophomore English teacher, was always saying? 'Does the end justify the means?' Ah Ha!" In this case, yes, the end would justify the means. Miss Lan was willing to go to any length to silence the girl and prove the girl didn't know the first thing about writing. For the first time ever, Miss Lan was going break her own policy.

Miss Lan opened her mouth intending to utter a thunderous and lengthy stream of insults, curses, and expletives. Instead, massive, bright flames shot out at the girl who still hadn't ceased her boasting and complaining. In less than five minutes, a charred and mute fangirl stood before the puzzled headmistress.

"Wow," said Miss Lan. Half-expecting the flames to continue pouring out, she covered her mouth with her left hand. "That," she said, removing her hand. She paused after the word to make certain she wasn't still breathing fire. "was very exciting," she finished. Everyone remained silent. The sight had yet to sink in as being real. The only sound was Emily's furious scribbling.

Tibbett was the first to utter a sentence. "I believe we've all learned a valuable lesson today."

"I agree," added Lady Bianca.

"To ingrain this lesson in your mind once again," said Miss Lan to the fangirl, who, now, actually resembled the bird she referred to herself as due to the present charred nature of her "porcelain skin." "I will say the first part of the moral and you will finish. Is that clear to you?"

The now subdued girl nodded in response.

"Aggravating Miss Lan will happen..."

Quoth The Raven, "Nevermore."

* * *

Can you guys tell what fic I've drawn from? If you have read the story and share my opinion on it, this chapter should be wildly funny. If not, well, don't go hunting for it. This was mucho fun and the longest chapter yet! If you don't like it tough! Flames will not be countered with flames nor will they succeed in injuring my persona. Much love to those who provide _constructive criticism_. Oh, and go read Makoto-47's (Emily) "LOTR:The Sequel—"that's where "OH, LOOK! IT'S JESUS!" comes from. It is also mucho funny. 


	5. A Day of Chaos, Crossovers, & Cameos I

AN: As mentioned many times before College is occupying much of my time and energy, so sorry this took me so long to get out. I don't know when I'll be able to have the next one out either. My birthday was just yesterday (Sunday, October 24); I'm 19 now, yay! Staying up to finish this chapter is sort of a birthday present to me.

I pulled from multiple fics in here, and I simply elaborated them for my own purposes. Even though I'm not a big fan of songfic, I don't intend to make fun of the one I pulled from; it simply inspired me in a sense. This chapter's not quite up to par, but is long enough. I'm going to break this day into two parts because there's too much for one chapter. Many thanks again to my reviewers, students, staff, and Yvi. Welcome to my newest staff member WittyFae who largely motivated me to get this chapter finished.

**To my recent flamer, if for some odd reason you're still reading:** This is the realm of fanfiction. We writers are all "ripping off" other _people's_ ideas. By the way, why do you read all the way up to the last chapter if you hate the story so much?

**Important Note:** I'm still accepting enrollment forms, so feel free to send them in. **Make sure to follow instructions!** Once again, I will state them. Copy and paste the form in chapter one to an email, send me the email, and **do not post on my review board**. I will ignore applications posted on the review board or incorrect applications emailed to me.

* * *

Ch. 5: A Day of Chaos, Crossovers, and Cameos: Part One 

Abby got up early the first day of classes. She quietly crept out of bed and brought out a bottle containing a colored liquid. Then Abby moved over to the other side of the room where Glinda-number-twenty slept and kept her personal items.

"Ah ha!" thought Abby silently grabbing a bottle off the other girl's dresser. "How stupid is she to leave her stuff out like that?" After obtaining her prize, Abby left for the lavatory, bringing the two bottles with her.

---

Glinda-number-twenty hurriedly dressed; she had woken up late and as a result lacked the time necessary for primping. She sighed irritably. Why hadn't the other girls woken her up? It was the first day of class, and being late was the last thing one wanted to do.

"I'll have time to put on make-up when I get to class," she thought shoving various cosmetics into a small, pink bag. Before she left she grabbed the bottle of rose blossom scented body splash and sprayed it liberally all over herself. It was an intoxicatingly sweet scent. She was definitely going to lure a few canon characters smelling like she did.

---

Trying very hard not laugh when Glinda-number-twenty entered the classroom, Abby bit her lip and held her breath.

A few snickers were heard as Glinda-number-twenty sat down.

"What were they all laughing and whispering about," she wondered. She dumped her items on the desk and proceeded to open her make-up bag. Pulling out a mirror, intending to apply her lip gloss, she finally caught sight of herself, shrieking when she did.

Thinking it was some trick of the light; Glinda-number-twenty thoroughly examined herself. Everywhere she had spritzed the body splash, her neck and arms were thoroughly splotched a bright salmon pink. In horror, she attempted to wipe away the color from her skin. The color remained as brilliant as ever.

Abby permitted herself a slight smirk. Nothing was better than a revenge plot successfully executed.

Having stumbled across the art supply closet during Orientation/Welcome Weekend Abby formulated a rather clever plan for a fangirl. She took some paint, mixed the colors until she had a satisfactory shade of salmon pink, and added it to some water. On the morning of class day, she'd emptied most the contents of Glinda-number-twenty's body splash and replaced it with her salmon pink concoction. The other girl wasn't able to tell the difference because just like almost everything else she owned, the bottle containing the scent was pink. It would take a lot of scrubbing to get the color off one's skin.

---

In the kitchen of Little Edibles Catering Company, no wait, it was the kitchen of OWFU, which happened to strongly resemble the kitchen of Little Edibles Catering Company, Emily had yet another sobbing, heartbroken fangirl on her hands.

"I know, but I just...it's so hard, I can't..." Allie broke down into tears. She was the fiftieth fangirl in her first weekly counseling session that Emily had seen that day lamenting over the fact that Fiyero was unattainable as a romantic partner.

"Yes, I know it's difficult to accept, but...oh watch the ham and your hand too! Oh, go work on the gingerbread houses; it's less dangerous," replied Emily, guiding the girl away from the stove where she had been flying ham slices and almost singed her skin off.

Emily had decided to hold counseling sessions in the kitchen due to her recent desire to create gingerbread houses and cook the same food as that provided by Little Edibles Catering Company (the place she worked at when not at OWFU) which was all rather delicious. Although December was still far off, to Emily, gingerbread houses were good at anytime of the year, especially when combined with Little Edibles Catering Company food.

Just after setting Allie to work on icing a group of gingerbread houses, Emily turned around to see the kitchen catch on fire.

---

"Just not quite as popULAAAAAAAAAARRRRR...AAAASSSS...MEEEEE!" sang a horribly off-key voice passing by Miss Lan's office.

"Argh!" Miss Lan winced. It was the fourth time and the worst rendition she had heard of "Popular" during the day so far. It was part of her job to provide for the sanity of the canon characters as well as the rest of the staff though. She had already made it clear that there were to be no song requests made, and was seriously considering banning the singing of all "Wicked" numbers as well as those from any other popular Broadway show.

Then again that seemed unduly harsh, and would be something even Miss Lan couldn't hold herself to _all_ the time. What these students needed was some sort of training. Most weren't that bad, although there were some who were tone deaf—Miss Lan would have to find some way to deal with those people. Hmmmm...

"Oh how very convenient," thought Miss Lan upon checking her email. She found a pleasant email from a person who wished to join the staff as the music instructor. "Here's an excellent writer who is additionally a professional and experienced vocalist! Exciting!"

Miss Lan began typing a response. "I have received your application and believe you to be highly qualified to fill the position requested. Nevertheless, I would like to conduct an interview before appointing you to the position."

Just then a screeching voice sounded out. "The Wizard...AND IYEEEEEEEEE!"

Miss Lan deleted the entire message she had just written and in its place wrote, "I believe you are definitely qualified to fill the requested position. Please come as soon as possible." Directly after finishing, she pressed "send."

The singer was suddenly interrupted by someone crying, "FIRE!"

"Already?" thought Miss Lan running out of her office.

---

Clearing the flames proved to be a tough task, but eventually it was done. Then, lo and behold, Emily discovered that someone had spilled an _entire_ bottle of "Do Not by Any Means Allow This Bottle to Spill into Strawberry Goo" into a bowl of strawberry goo.

Out of the bowl was rising a thick green blob of sorts.

"OOK!" cried Emily.

The blob took the form an odd looking creature, with long blue arms, large green eyes that stuck out of the head much like a crab's, and blue antennae. The thing had no legs, and floated over to Emily's side where she began petting it affectionately.

"Well, that was _highly_ exciting," said Miss Lan to Emily as they and everyone else who had helped put out the fire walked out of the kitchen looking very sooty and disheveled. "Where are all your students? I assume you evacuated them all outside?" she asked, briefly glancing around.

No sooner had Miss Lan spoken, then a horde of screaming girls ran back inside. Miss Lan mentally cursed herself, hurrying towards the front hall.

Facing the hysterical girls, she bellowed, "SHUT UP! Now, what in Oz's name are you all screaming about!"

The girls stood huddled together whimpering.

"Well!" demanded Miss Lan.

"It's raining," ventured one of the girls timidly.

Miss Lan rolled her eyes. How could she have not expected that the numerous "Elphabas" or "fourth witches" would be allergic to water?

A crash of thunder sounded, and a bolt of lighting flashed. At that moment a strange figure appeared at the open front door. Many of the students gasped expecting some murderous madman from a cheesy, horror film to appear. Much to their surprise and disappointment it was a rather short woman wearing a raincoat and carrying an umbrella. The Boq lusters had been hoping to use protection from an insane killer as an excuse to get near their object of desire, overlooking the fact that Boq really wouldn't have been the best person to protect them from an insane killer.

"This is Shiz University right? And the place where the Official Wicked Fanfiction University is being held?" she asked, looking at Miss Lan.

"Yes," replied Miss Lan.

"Hi, I'm WittyFae, your new staff member and music instructor," said the woman introducing herself and extending her hand. She turned around and waved at the coachman who was unloading her luggage before stepping through the door. In closing her umbrella, she unintentionally splashed a few of the girls with water.

Some of the girls hissed and others screamed. Of course that set the rest of the girls, even the ones who hadn't been splashed, into another fit of hysterics. Miss Lan glared at them, irritated.

Unfazed, the woman continued, "Where is my office, please, as well as my classroom? I plan to set up and have class in session as soon as possible."

Shaking her new staff member's hand, Miss Lan decided she quite liked this woman's business-like manner. Miss Lan pointed Professor WittyFae towards the offices and gave the professor directions to her classroom.

As Professor WittyFae left for her office, she said, "Oh, there are still students standing outside in the rain. You might want to let them know they can come back in."

Another crack of thunder was heard, and the sound of hoofbeats followed...

---

Meanwhile, in "Characterization 201: What Makes a Witch" Abby was squirming uncomfortably, having been made the center of attention by Elphaba.

"You," Elphaba had pointed at her. "What makes a witch?"

"Umm...magic?"

"Nothing else?"

"Well, that's pretty much it, unless you wanna talk about looks." Abby silently added, "Or Miss Lan."

"WRONG! Being a witch is more than having magic!"

"Oh, yeah! You gotta be good or bad!"

"Define 'good and bad.'"

"Good is like...like...being nice...and like...sweet...and like..."

"Glinda?"

"Yeah!"

"What makes Glinda good?"

"Well...ummm...she's nice...and popular...and helpful...and umm...pretty..."

Elphaba snorted. "There is much more to Glinda than you think. Simply because she's called Glinda the Good doesn't mean she floats around Oz in her bubble rescuing puppy dogs from being carried off by screaming eagles or is sweet to a woman whose shoes don't match her dress. One of the many points of this class is to enable you to break away from limited viewpoints of characters. Your assignment tonight is to read the chapter on stereotypes in 'Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch: Character Characteristics.' There will be a quiz and discussion the next class. Be certain to read as I will be asking _very_ detailed questions."

A chorus of complaints followed. Elphaba was about to dismiss class when a bold soul raised her hand.

"Just wondering, and don't worry nobody outside this class will tell, who was your first? We all know it _wasn't_ Fiyero. "

Elphaba flushed. "That is none of you business," she snapped. "Class dismissed!"

Several murmurs of "Aw man" or similar statements of disappointment went around the room as the students gathered their belongings.

Suddenly a foreign voice said, "I can answer that."

Everyone whirled around to see a man, whose skin was oddly enough, purple, standing in the doorway.

"And who are that you are so knowledgeable about my personal life?"

The man smiled warmly. "How could I not know? _I_ was your first, and I'm rather hurt you don't remember."

Elphaba looked ready to murder someone.

---

A troop of medieval knights stood in the front hall of Shiz University looking very noble while dripping water onto the floor.

"We are here in search of the Wicked Witch of the West! We learned that she has gone into hiding here," the leader of the group said, striding forward.

"Where are you from and why are you looking for her?" demanded Miss Lan, hands on her hips.

"We are the knights of Camelot and our king has died!" proclaimed the knight.

"So what does that have to do with you wanting to hunt down the Witch of the West?"

"Well..." replied the knight, "we were looking for the Holy Grail, but that quest got to be too hard. Then Arthur died, and we needed something to do. As we are the Knights of the Round Table, it is our job to protect and serve the king and the people of Camelot. Since we _aren't_ stupid and _do_ read the papers, we learned that there was witch escaped from Oz; we felt we ought to pursue and capture her. She coincidentally arrived in Camelot one day; we shot at her with our cannons and succeeded in knocking her broom down. She managed to elude us though and make her way back to Oz."

"Uh huh," said Miss Lan. The situation was rather puzzling, but she was beginning to distinctly sense a bad crossover.

"And what were you planning to do once you found her?" asked Emily.

"Well...she's a witch; we'd burn her," said the knight non-chalantly.

"By all means please burn me. It can't be anymore painful than listening to this moron, who keeps following me insisting that he's 'my first,' spouting love phrases or trying to get me to remember our 'nights of passion!'" said Elphaba storming into the room, closely followed by the strange purple-skinned man.

"She's not a witch!' exclaimed on of the other knights. "She doesn't have a wart!"

"She's just a green skinned girl," added another.

"Can you people honestly think of a more original way to describe me than 'just a green skinned girl!'" fumed Elphaba.

"A green skinned girl who's not a witch," said the knight who had used the so loathed expression to describe Elphaba.

"Say, you're familiar!" said Elphaba. "You're the man in the black hood I met that one day when I randomly ended up in Camelot. You ordered your people to fire at me with cannons! You know how much trouble I had getting back to Oz because you broke my broom! You know how hard it was to get that broom fixed! You can be certain I'll be sending your new monarch one hell of a bill! There's cleaning, travel, repairs, and those are just the highlights!"

"Who tried to kill you, Elphaba, love! I'll wring his neck!" declared the purple-skinned man.

A knock on the door interrupted Elphaba's angry spiel. Everyone turned to face the new visitor standing in the doorway. He was a nice looking, young man in his early twenties. Many of the fangirls looked ready to swoon at the sight of this curly brown haired figure.

Addressing the crowed he said, "Ummm...could you give me directions to Oz? Also, I'm looking for the monument to," he looked down at the sheet of paper he was holding. He struggled to pronounce the name written on it. "El-pah-bah?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm El-FAH-bah, but I don't believe there's a monument to me anywhere around here," replied Elphaba.

"Someone commissioned me to sing for your funeral at your monument," said the stranger. "It was specifically requested that I sing 'To Where You Are.'"

"I'll compensate you if you'll sing to me!" shrieked one girl, jumping up and down excitedly.

"Forget her! Sing to me!" screamed another.

"Oh my God! It's Josh Groban! Oh sing for me please!" begged one girl.

Josh Groban looked hesitant for a moment. "It can't hurt, and I always like to oblige my fans," he said finally. Miss Lan knew what was going to happen next, but before she could stop him he began singing.

"Who can say for certain," he started, his voice resounding through hall.

A small portion of the fangirl population swayed before crashing to the floor in a dead faint. They were run over by the rest of the girls who lunged towards the famous tenor. Unexpectedly, the overzealous fans were driven back and the singer was saved from a painful fate by three of the Mini-Time Dragons, Macguire, Gulinda, and Glindah. The Mini-Time Dragon's senses were attuned to seeking out fangirls. Having succeeded in preventing the fangirls from stampeding the visitor, the Mini-Time Dragons flew over and circled around him.

"Stampeding is NOT permitted at anytime towards anyone!" yelled Miss Lan. "How many times must I repeat myself for it to stick!" She proceeded to go into an extensive lecture about the consequences of not following the rules.

"Just so you know," said Emily to Josh Groban. "You don't want to go around encouraging fangirlishness by singing for whatever girl asks you. It can have pretty disastrous results as you almost found out. You also don't want to get Miss Lan mad; she's the short, Asian girl over there breathing flames at all those fangirls."

The Ook by her side uttered some sort of gibberish to add to her comments.

The singer's faced looked rather blanched.

At the same time, the knights were becoming rather restless just standing in the hallway.

Elphaba having become too irritated by the presence of "her first" whirled around and knocked him unconscious with one swift punch.

A blast of pipe organ music suddenly came from somewhere deep within the depths of OWFU.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph on a pogo stick! Will these crossovers ever cease!" said an exasperated Miss Lan.

* * *

Disclaimer: Ok I borrowed/mentioned a lot of stuff in here, so that explains why this is at the end.

Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire and Stephen Schwartz.

OWFU is a spin-off of OFUM by Miss Cam.

"Phantom of the Opera" belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and whatever guy wrote the book.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" belongs to the Pythons, and the witch scene just happens to be my favorite.

"To Where You Are" music belongs to Richard Marx and lyrics to Linda Thompson.

Josh Groban belongs to himself.

King Arthur and company belong to Sir Thomas Malory—author of the ORIGINAL collection of Arthurian legends which everyone should read.

Finally, the ending quote ("Jesus, Mary, and Joseph on a pogo stick!") belongs to Yvi.


	6. A Day of Chaos, Crossovers, & Cameos II

AN: Ummm…ok I finally did this. I don't know if it will meet all your expectations as far as humor, but I had to bring that last section to a close somehow. I'm sorry if this chapter seems sort of rushed. I have massive loads of homework like you would not believe and then rehearsals for a play that will be performed soon. It's difficult to find to time to write. Thanks to all for the positive feedback. I posted the first part of Ch7 as a teaser for my loyal readers to show that I have not abandoned this project. OWFU will prevail! I took a scene Animeluvr1 (Professor Spork) had written for me and personalized it. Much love to her. Also, the crossover I mention in the last part of the story was, believe it or not, a real one I found.

* * *

Ch 6: A Day of Chaos, Crossovers, and Cameos: Part Two

It was just a regular day at OWFU with fangirls plotting at how to seduce their lust objects, Mini Time Dragons flying about keeping a close watch on the fangirls, and Miss Lan determined to hunt down and throw into the deepest, darkest depths OWFU several fanfiction writers who had taken it upon themselves to write various bad crossovers or non-existant "other" characters which thus resulted in the appearance of several uncanonical individuals at OWFU.

Following the music, Miss Lan, Josh Groban, Elphaba, Boq, Emily, the Knights of the Round Table, and the various students--who had followed the headmistress and company--headed to the basement. Across the room lay an impressive pipe organ. Furiously playing it was a man dressed in a black Parisian suit with a matching, elegant opera cape draped across his shoulders. A white mask hid half his face. Two tall candelabras stood on each side of the pipe organ.

There were a multitude of gasps and sighs uttered by the students present. They had finally learned though that chances of executing a successful stampede not followed by severe injuries were almost none. Of course there were also the few die-hard Fiyero fangirls, like Abby, who couldn't understand why so many of their peers were mooning over this strange being. He was wearing a mask and playing a pipe organ by candlelight in a basement for pity's sake. The man obviously had no life.

"The PHANTOM of OZ is there inside your mind!" sang the man as he continued his playing, not noticing the crowd that had gathered. "Those who have seen your face," he sang in a higher, more feminine voice, obviously trying to substitute for a former female partner. He stopped abruptly. "Damn! It just doesn't work that way!" he muttered.

Gathering her thoughts, Miss Lan approached the spectre. "So what's your story?" she asked.

Irate that there was suddenly another presence in the room besides him, the phantom whirled around and bellowed, "Who DARES disturb the mysterious, and all powerful PHANTOM OF OZ!"

He was surprised to see a rather large crowd facing him. Even more surprising was that they were all wearing a rather odd assortment of clothing. Perhaps they were the cast of some play or just maybe an opera, and this area that he was in the long forgotten underground room of their theatre. Hmm…possibly he could find a new protégé among them.

The child within the group stepped forward. "Well, are you going to answer my question? I'd prefer if you'd do so within this lifetime please," she said saucily. The phantom was rather taken aback.

"My dear child," he began.

"Hold it right there," said Miss Lan, cutting him off. "The most important thing you need know about me in order for us to get along is that I am NOT a child. Now, you may continue."

"It all began when I was born…" began the phantom.

"I don't mean your life story!" snapped Miss Lan. "How did you end up here? In Oz, in my university basement of all places."

"Oh," he replied flatly. He had been looking forward to an opportunity to relay all the woes of his life. "I was fleeing from an angry mob trying to kill me…"

"You know, that situation is more common than you think," commented Elphaba.

The story turned out to be unnecessarily long due to the vast amount of detail the phantom included. To sum it all up, the rest of the story went as follows: the phantom fleeing from the angry mob pulled his infamous cloak disappearing act; he made his way through the series of underground tunnels connected to his lair; he took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the basement of OWFU instead of outside Paris.

"But I don't see any tunnel in here," remarked Emily.

The phantom pointed to a door which everyone had taken to be the door to a janitor's closet. Emily went to the door and much to her and everyone else's (the phantom being the only exception) bewilderment, behind it stood a tunnel.

"The thought never occurred to me that there was an underground tunnel in Shiz that led out of Oz," said Boq.

"Obviously, since it didn't exist until about five minutes ago," replied Elphaba in a dry tone.

Miss Lan slightly puzzled turned to one of the knights and asked, "So how did you all get into Oz?"

The knight answered, "Are you not familiar with the geography of Oz? The land next to it is Camelot."

"Uh huh…," said Miss Lan as she processed this new information. Her attention eventually snapped back to the current "guest" at hand. "Two final questions for Monsieur Phantom here: how did the pipe organ and candelabras end up here, and how did you know you were in Oz?"

"Well, as soon as I entered, I decided this would be my new lair. Of course according to the laws of canon, my lair must be equipped with a pipe organ and lit by candles, so I simply envisioned where those items would be, and they materialized where I desired them to be. I believe that also relates to what you call 'the magic of fanfiction.'"

Miss Lan looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess that makes sense in way. This is the realm of fanfiction after all," she thought. She shrugged her shoulders and decided that it was better not to try to further apply logic to the situation.

While Miss Lan was attempting to sort things out, the fangirls were whispering amongst themselves.

"I really don't get what they're all drooling over; I mean look at the guy. He's so pasty, and who really goes around dressed like that?" whispered Abby to the girl next to her.

"We all know that what's behind that mask isn't pretty," whispered back Hannah. "but on the subject of Fiyero, have you checked out those tattoos? They make him look sooooo hot! He puts any guy to shame!"

"Excuse me, did I hear you both correctly?" interjected a girl named Megan.

"Uh, duh! Fiyero is the hottest guy like ever! He's like H-O-T-T, HOTT!" enthusiastically replied Abby.

"I wouldn't say that. Cute maybe, but nothing compared with Erik." Megan sighed as she mentioned the name of her lust object. From the large purse hanging by her side, she retrieved a doll resembling the phantom and clutched tightly against her chest.

"OK, this girl's got some issues," thought Abby. "Who the hell's Erik?" she asked aloud.

"That's the phantom over there," answered Hannah.

"Oh right," said Abby, who had never really been a fan of "Phantom of the Opera." Actually, she'd never really been that big a fan of Broadway until she was introduced to "Wicked."

"There are some obviously uncultured people present here," commented the phantom fangirl.

"I agree," added PhantomAngel22. "As much as I adore Fiyero, I have to side with this girl here that Erik is the most handsome man on Broadway."

"Whatever," said Abby. The beginnings of a row were starting to form as the fangirls began to separate into two groups. There were some who were torn between the two, but in the end they had to give in to the one side or the other. There was no turning back once a fangirl's side was chosen. The few males in the present student body, not wishing to be caught in the war that was brewing, anxiously backed away from the two bands of fangirls. The Fiyero lusters and the Erik the former Phantom of the Opera, now the Phantom of Oz , lusters stood glowering at one another.

"We're not going to solve anything by staying down here, so let's all go back upstairs," said Miss Lan, breaking the rival fangirls' concentration on one another.

"Are you assuming that we'll be able to find a solution there?" inquired Emily.

"At least we'll be out of the dark," replied Miss Lan as she made her way to the steps.

Emily shrugged and followed. Elphaba was behind her, and after Elphaba the Phantom came, then the Phantom fangirls, the Knights, the Fiyero fangirls, the rest of the students, and a very befuddled Josh Groban with a few fangirls who chose Josh as the object of their lust instead of Fiyero or the Phantom.

Poor Josh had been expecting to execute another routine performance and then leave with a rather nice commission as usual. He should've realized that this was going to be an unusual experience when on the way to his destination his tour bus was picked up by a tornado and then dropped off in this strange place where there were green skinned women, miniature dragons, and medieval knights.

Miss Lan mulled over what to do with the current "guests" at OWFU. Finally she decided that the best ideas came while eating, so she said, "Let's go to dinner." The meal was a pleasant one for Miss Lan and the staff of OWFU as there were no stampedes (the groups fangirls were too busy insulting one another to attempt any), the guests were all rather polite (even the Elphaba's purple-skinned "first" although Elphaba had to threaten him with severe bodily harm beforehand), and the fried ham slices, that were part of the meal, were delicious.

---

Once dinner ended, Miss Lan came to a decision as to what was to be done.

"Ok, Josh, let me tell you first off that I am a huge fan and do wish you could stay. I'm sorry you came all the way out here for nothing. Anyways, since Dorothy is unwilling to yield up the ruby and silver slippers—not that you could fit them anyway and they only work if you're wearing them on you're feet—we're going to have to send you back by tornado. Dorothy is however willing to lend you her farmhouse if you did not arrive in a vehicle or building of your own."

"Umm…I came in a tour bus. It's sitting outside on the lawn. Oh man, I was just going to come in to ask for directions. My violinist, guitarist, and driver are probably waiting for me still. I hope they didn't go look for me," said Josh.

"Madame Morrible will follow you, and if your companions are all there, she will send you all back to where you came from. If they're not there, she'll organize a search party and get them rounded up," said Miss Lan, motioning towards Madame Morrible. Miss Lan let out a small sigh of disappointment as she watched Josh Groban leave the dining hall. She did love his singing.

"Andrea Bocelli is so much better," said Emily, reading Miss Lan's thoughts.

"Let's not get into this," replied Miss Lan. "I prefer Josh Groban's singing, and you prefer Andrea Bocelli's. Back to the subject; what do we do with the rest of these people?"

"We are in need of a pianist to help with the choir course as I unfortunately lack the ability to play piano," said Professor WittyFae.

"Would I still be able to compose my own pieces? And if I found a pupil worthy of my training, might I be allowed to take her under my guidance?" inquired the Phantom.

"As convenient as it would be to have you assist in teaching our students the art of music, we'd be in severe violation of not only the laws of canon but of those set by Official Fanfiction University creator Miss Cam. In other words all of us would be struck by lightning, and if by some miracle we managed survive, none of us would be able to safely write fanfiction again," replied Miss Lan.

"It was worth a shot," said Professor WittyFae. "I understand though that sacrifices must be made to further the cause of improving the realm of 'Wicked' fanfiction."

"Surely, you don't expect me to return to Paris," said the Phantom. "An angry mob is looking to lynch me there."

"No, can't expect that," said Miss Lan. "But that's at the Opera Populaire though. Couldn't you just move to haunt a different opera house? There should be more than one in Paris."

"Word will have gotten around though. At any sign of my return shall result in me being found and hanged."

"Why don't you head over to London? It's not too far, _and_ you could surely get cast in the London Broadway Production of your life story. Plus it's canonical as you'd be playing 'the Phantom of the Opera' which you are and doing all the things you do on a regular basis," said Professor Spork.

"Look up a guy named Andrew Lloyd Webber—he ought to be living in England (as he's from there) and can definitely help you market your stuff," added Lady Bianca.

"How shall I travel to this place? It's not as if there's a tunnel leading to the coast of France and a boat waiting to take me to England."

"Once again the 'magic of fanfiction' comes into play," said Emily.

"That's right! You've seen the show Emz; you can write him there," said Miss Lan.

"Actually, I meant that Elphaba could find a transportation spell to send him there. I don't do 'Phantom' fanfiction."

"That works too."

After Emily discussed the idea with Elphaba, Elphaba and the Phantom left the dining hall. Elphaba rolled her eyes when her "first" made a number of loud protests as she did so. The Phantom smirked as he passed the purple-skinned man. Fiyero kept a firm grip on the "first," preventing him from following Elphaba.

After the two left, the knights rose from their seats, bowing graciously. "We thank you for entertaining us here and for the food. We shall be taking our leave now," said Sir Launcelot.

"Oh, yeah, you guys are practically right next door," said Professor Spork.

"That is correct. We apologize for any trouble or inconvenience we may have caused," Launcelot responded.

"You're welcome. Thank you for not attacking my collegue, the Witch of the West. Your apology is accepted," responded Miss Lan.

The knights all bowed and exited.

"Professor Spork, if you don't mind, please follow them and take this eraser with you. You'll need it to erase Camelot's borderline that has crossed Oz's," said Miss Lan handing Professor Spork a large eraser.

"Just one left now," Miss Lan said with relief. "What do we do with him?"

"We could just kill him off," suggested Fiyero enthusiastically.

"But he's not a Gary-Stu though, so it seems kind of harsh to do that. He's an 'other/original character'," replied Miss Lan.

"He's not from any other realm of fanfiction either, so there's no where we could send him," said Lady Bianca. "He's not canonical either, therefore he can't remain here."

"There has to be somewhere he can stay," said Emily.

"Bwha! I got it!" said Miss Lan, clapping her hands together. "He has to come from 'Somewhere'."

"What?" asked everyone in unison. They all gave Miss Lan an odd look.

"Fiyero, just shove him somewhere, and he'll be gone. Things normally don't make sense when you're dealing with original characters. Just drag him to and put him in the nearest closet. Then shut the door and when you open it, he'll have disappeared from this realm of fanfiction."

Although still puzzled, the Arjiki prince acted as he was requested and found the results predicted by Miss Lan had occurred. Finally, everything was as it should be. The fangirls still fought amongst themselves about whom among the visitors was the most attractive; the Phantom lovers were still willing to defend to the death their lust object as being the hottest. The only brightly colored person was Elphaba. There were no modern day singers present, and no strange persons lurking in the basement playing a pipe organ or dressed in armor hunting for witches.

---

The day was finally at an end. Everyone, including Miss Lan, had just settled comfortably into bed when the sound of cheering and music invaded the silence. Uttering a rather long string of foul words, Miss Lan grumpily came down the stairs. She had not been the only one awoken by the noise. In the front hall stood several of the canon characters, non-canon staff members, and as always, a large body of students looking out the windows.

"What the freakin' hell is goin' on!" she exclaimed, forsaking any eloquent speech.

"It appears to be another crossover," replied Professor Spork.

"No, not another! And right after we finally got rid of all the others!" thought Miss Lan. "What on earth are they singing?" she asked.

"Can't you tell? It's 'No One Mourns the Wicked,'" said Lady Bianca.

"Performed rather badly I might add," said Professor WittyFae. "These people also don't appear to be Ozians. I wonder where they're from."

Just then a strange-looking, red-haired, teenage girl appeared in a bubble. A person shouted out her name as being "Starfire." The girl knew Glinda's exact entrance speech from the musical though she addressed those participating in the festivities as "fellow Jump Cityians." Following the speech, she attempted to imitate Glinda's aria though without much success.

"Who does that stupid, little, prima donna, teeny bopper think she is? Really, to think she can steal my lines and my aria! I'm outraged! I have a headache; I have to go lie down! I'm going to have several words with the producers as soon as I finish doing so!" said an upset Glinda. She quickly exited to her room.

Miss Lan felt a similar sensation and was half tempted to follow Glinda's suit. Remembering her duty as headmistress though, she went to open the door, and prepared herself for several hours of grueling interviews, arguments, thinking of and finally executing a plan to restore the natural laws of canon in the realm of "Wicked" fanfiction.

The night's weather had been particularly calm, but when Miss Lan opened the door a bolt of lighting struck the Teen Titan that was a Glinda wannabe. The girl disappeared in a poof of smoke. Thunder crashed while more lightning bolts struck every single one of the foreigners, and like Starfire, they all disappeared in a poof of smoke. Everyone awake in the front hall of OWFU watched transfixed.

Miss Lan smiled as she closed the door and headed back to bed. There were some fandoms you just did not cross. This time Miss Lan and the staff of OWFU were not needed to reinstate the canon by getting rid of an invading fandom which was caused by poor and careless author. The Unnamed Deity of "Wicked" fanfiction had taken care of that personally.

* * *

Disclaimer:

Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire and Stephen Schwartz.

OWFU is a spin-off of OFUM by Miss Cam.

"Phantom of the Opera" belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and whatever guy wrote the book.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" belongs to the Pythons, and the witch scene just happens to be my favorite.

Josh Groban belongs to himself.

King Arthur and company belong to Sir Thomas Malory


	7. Words Gone Wild

Disclaimer: Wicked is copyright of Gregory Maguire and Stephen Schwartz. Harry Potter is copyright of J.K. Rowling.The Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment belong to Emily (Makoto-47). This story is a spin-off of Miss Cam's Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth which I highly recommend reading.

* * *

Ch 7: Words Gone Wild

Abby was grumpily trudging towards her next class "Canon Accuracy: What _Can_ and _Can't_ Happen." She couldn't stand for any more sharp lectures on the virtues and glory of the book and how she ought to be ashamed for having not read it.

She entered the classroom and sat at one of the desks set furthest in the back of room. She intended on snagging a nap before the start of class. Abby quickly drifted off into the world of dreams where she and Fiyero took many long walks on the beach during which he professed his undying love to her.

Lady Bianca marched confidently into the classroom ready to begin ingraining the laws of canon into the heads of her pupils. She motioned for the two Mini-Time Dragons to drop the stacks of papers they were carrying onto her desk. She set the stack she was carrying on her desk as well. Following that the two dragons settled themselves comfortably on the desk.

"Welcome to Canon Accuracy," said Lady Bianca loudly. "I am your professor, obviously. You may call me Lady Bianca. This class is one of the most essential ones you will take here at OWFU. Now, I'd like to begin with a quiz." With that she set a stack of quizzes on the first desk of each row. Hearing the gasps of horror, she added, "This is not for a grade, but enables me to see where you all stand in your knowledge of the plotline for both the book and musical. Similar questions will be on your final exam."

Abby was awakened by a paper sliding onto her head. Taking it off her head she looked at it. Due to her having been asleep when the professor was talking, seeing the words "Canon Accuracy Quiz #1" sent Abby into a state of panic. She urgently raised her hand. Lady Bianca briskly walked towards her.

"Ummm…I didn't know there was a quiz. I'm not prepared for it, so can I like make this up tomorrow or something?" Abby whispered.

Lady Bianca sighed. "I know that like just about every other fangirl you can't help being plagued with fantasies involving a certain Arjiki prince, but when I am speaking I expect your full attention. This quiz is not for grade as I state quite loudly earlier and as I had printed in bold print below the title of the quiz."

"Whew," thought Abby with relief.

"Detention with Frexspar this afternoon at four," Lady Bianca said before moving away.

"Dang it!" thought Abby.

Twenty minutes later the quizzes were all turned in, and Lady Bianca distributed papers from the other stack.

"Canon is the most important thing to take into consideration when writing fanfiction. I've noticed from reading your stories, many of you enjoy tearing it to bits and sticking back together the bits and pieces you like. Also, you all have a terrible habit of adding in things or creating situations which violate the traditional canon. Therefore, I've compiled a list of common canon errors. I expect you all to commit them to memory and never to see them made, especially in my class."

"Facts About Oz You Didn't Know Because…Oh, Wait, They Don't Exist!" read Abby skimming the long list. Among the things listed were "Camelot borders the land of Oz, Tibbett and Crope are straight, Elphaba and Glinda are a couple, the characters of "Wicked" can sing the words to any pop love song, the elusive fourth witch never mentioned in the book or musical is you."

Lady Bianca went on to pass out syllabuses for the class. As she discussed the purpose and goals of the class, she paced around the classroom; enthusiastically rapping her pointer on whatever desk or student she happened to be closet to. Abby was ready to die of boredom. When it came time for the class to end, Abby scribbled down the reading assignment. She bolted out the classroom in the direction of the dining hall; it was lunch time, and she was starving. Some girl ran past her wailing.

Not caring about anything but ending the rumbling of her stomach, Abby hurried into the room and fell directly into large body of water. Several splashes followed as other members of Abby's class stepped into the same pool.

Abby sputtered out the water that had filled her mouth when she had opened it to express her shock. The water tasted salty. Abby managed to swim over to a portion of the floor not submerged underneath three feet of water. She noticed a large amount of water coming from the direction the crying girl had just run off in. She realized she'd just been swimming in a pool of tears. Something extremely weird was going on thought Abby.

---

Lady Bianca thought the same as she turned right walking to her next class. She saw no classrooms, only passages which were all on the right side of the hall. She was very familiar with the university's layout, and she was quite sure that there was no right of passages. She turned down one of the passages only to be confronted with more passages which, again, were all on the right. "This is ridiculous," she thought. Upon going through one more passage with the same results, she decided she was going to go mad before she ever got out of the ongoing chain of passages.

---

Dr. Dillamond was equally confused when he walked into the lavatory and found there were no toilets or sinks. The place very much resembled a laboratory where he usually conducted his research or experiments. "How very strange," thought the doctor. To be sure his eyes weren't deceiving him he walked out and read the sign outside the door. It said, "Lavatory" quite clearly. He walked in again; the room still looked like a lab.

"Perhaps since the lavatory is a laboratory, the laboratory is a lavatory," the Goat reasoned. He left for his lab. However, he found that it looked the same with the exception of being overrun with lab rats. Dr. Dillamond sighed with exasperation. This was proving to be a very inconvenient situation. He turned to go to Miss Lan's office.

---

In her office, Miss Lan was currently stuck in swamp of complaints, literally. People had been in and out reporting of odd events and mishaps. When Dr. Dillamond arrived he was surprised and overwhelmed by the look, sound, and smell of the office. Murky green brown water that reeked covered the office floor. Dr. Dillamond wondered if there might be a stray alligator roaming about. There was an incredible amount of noise coming from the water; shouts of complaints were continually rising out of the water. Miss Lan and Emily were attempting to paddle towards the door on a desk using a keyboard and a yardstick.

"Excuse me," he said. "I can see you are in somewhat of a predicament, but I must inform you that…"

"I'M SORRY, WHAT!" shouted Miss Lan.

"I'D LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT THE LAVATORY IS NOW A LABORATORY,"

Dr. Dillamond shouted back.

"I'D LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT THE LAVATORY IS NOW A LABORATORY," echoed the swamp loudly.

"IS THAT ALL?" yelled Miss Lan.

"NO," replied Dr. Dillamond.

"WAIT 'TIL WE GET TO THE DOOR," shouted Emily. She and Miss Lan were a third of the way across the swamp.

Dr. Dillamond moved off to the side as the desk approached the door. Miss Lan and Emily quickly jumped off. Miss Lan then took care to shut the door.

"Now, what is the other event you wish to report?" she asked.

"My laboratory is currently overrun with rats. I believe it's become a lab_rat_ory."

"Adding misspelled words to the list of problems," said Emily to Miss Lan.

"Overuse of metaphors, word misuse, misspelled words…what next?" said Miss Lan.

Not even five minutes after she finished the question, Glinda came stumbling through the hall. She ran into Miss Lan in the process.

"Miss Lan, thank goodness you're here! I was quite worrified that I wouldn't find you here. I'm horrifically desolificating right now!" she said bubbly. She swayed back and forth slightly.

"Include adding suffixes to ends of words to create stupid non-existent words that supposedly Glinda would say," said Miss Lan.

"Goodness, that's what's wrong! Thank goodness I found you! But, goodness, I don't know what to do! For goodness's sake, is there anything you can do to normalify me right now?" said Glinda.

"Put all too frequent use of the word 'goodness' on that list too," said Miss Lan. "So many problems come with too many words."

"Simplicity is most often best," said Dr. Dillamond in agreement.

"Goodness knows that is true," Glinda sweetly chimed in.

"What do you propose we do to solve these problems?" asked Dr. Dillamond.

"Emz, do you have anything in your…" at this point Miss Lan lowered her voice to a whisper, "bag that contains the implements of the Queen of the Universe that we could use?" It was only proper to keep the fact that Emily was the Queen of the Universe on the down-low.

Emily rummaged through the bag she always kept at her side. She dug out a small, shiningly wrapped granola bar.

"Emily, I love food as much as you, but how is eating a granola bar going to solve these problems?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Read the label," she said, thrusting the granola bar in Miss Lan's hand.

"Granola Bar of Useful Fulfillment, manufactured personally for the Queen of the Universe, fulfills any and all useful purposes, mainly filling an empty stomach," read Miss Lan. "So how does it work?"

Emily sighed, took the bar and gave it to Glinda who promptly ate and declared it delicious.

The granola bar didn't take very long to fulfill its purpose. Glinda's speech quickly returned to normal and she stopped saying the word "goodness" every five seconds.

Her first words were, "I know what to do."

"You just eat it, it'll taste delicious, fill you up and fulfill any needs you have," explained Emily. "Pretty handy, huh?"

---

Meanwhile, Abby was just starting on dessert when she heard a splash. She didn't turn to see who had fallen in. Likely it was someone who hadn't found out about the three-foot pool located at the entrance of the dining hall.

Just then over twenty screams were heard. Even more splashes were heard after that. Abby decided to see what the fuss was about. She wasn't long in following the suit of the twenty plus girls ahead of her. Fiyero had fallen into the pool of tears, and a mass of girls were attempting to "rescue" him despite the obvious fact he could swim.

Dessert was instantly forgotten, and Abby wasted no time in acting. She dashed madly towards the water. Unfortunately, she was driven back by a fire-breathing Mini-Time Dragon though. More dragons swooped down to snap and flame at the fangirls allowing Fiyero time to escape.

A soaked Fiyero emerged out of the water, his damp clothes sticking to him. The sight of which once again succeeded in driving the fangirls wild. Another stampede was in progress and even the Mini-Time Dragons were having some difficulty keeping the girls at bay, though they managed to tackle a few. Fiyero was paralyzed with fear. Abby was faster this time and was within five feet of her prize when she suddenly found herself in a very "Wizard of Oz" movie moment.

Elphaba's voice broke out shouting, "Fly Monkeys! Fly! Seize them!"

A group of flying monkeys came swarming in. They snatched and lifted Abby and several of the other fangirls into the air.

Abby squirmed uncomfortably. Dangling five feet in the air in the grip of a flying monkey was not the most pleasant of situations.

"Hmmm…what to do with fangirls who still haven't learned not to stampede?" said Elphaba looking up at the captured girls.

No one would dare to approach Fiyero with Elphaba present. However, if Elphaba wasn't there she would have a much better shot at getting to and seducing Fiyero. Those were the thoughts running through Glinda-twenty-five's mind. She was one of the few who had managed to evade capture by diving under a table.

How could she get rid of, even if only temporary, Elphaba she wondered. Her eyes suddenly fell on a glass of water that had been spilt on the floor. Elphaba was allergic to water! Picking up the glass she sneakily crept towards the pool of tears. The witch's back was to the water.

In one swift movement, Glinda-twenty-five dipped the glass into the water, filled it, and then tossed it onto Elphaba.

Elphaba shrieked. She had the feeling of being burned, but there were no marks upon her skin, and she wasn't melting. Thanks to writers of the musical for making her immune to water she thought. She whirled around to face her assailant.

"Shoot! That probably wasn't enough water," thought Glinda-twenty-five. In a panicked frenzy she filled the glass again and hurled the contents at Elphaba.

Predicting what would happen, Elphaba managed to avert the water. "Things don't always work out like in the movies, do they?" she sneered.

"I'm not afraid," Glinda-twenty-five kept repeating to herself despite the fact that a tall, green figure, dressed in black looming over her was very intimidating. She stuck up her nose and sniffed haughtily. "I just made a miscalculation that was all."

"Yes, I'm certain your plan was practically flawless. Did you honestly think that even if you succeeded in getting rid of me, you would successfully seduce Fiyero and have him falling at your feet?"

"He's completely in love with me. He just hasn't been able to realize it yet because you've been keeping him from me."

At this Elphaba laughed. Her cackle resounded throughout the dining hall. She looked at her "rival" for a moment. "Salmon Pink looks so flattering in blotches on your skin."

The marks of Abby's revenge had yet to wash out. Glinda-twenty-five had managed to cover them by layering on make-up; she didn't want to chance meeting the Arjiki prince looking spotted. "Oh no! The make-up must've washed off when I fell in the water," she thought.

"I must say you've rather inspired me," said Elphaba smiling wickedly. "I know exactly what to do to you and the rest these twits."

---

"As you said Dr. Dillamond, 'simplicity is best.' We don't need an elaborate plan that relates to spelling, definitions, and grammar. We are in possession of, or rather Emily is, the only tool we need to solve these problems."

"The bag containing the implements of the Queen of the Universe?" asked Miss Lan in a low whisper.

"The Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment!" Emily whispered back.

"Oh," said Miss Lan in her normal voice. "How are they going to work on everything? I can understand it working on people, but not inanimate objects and rooms. They can't eat."

"I believe scattering bits of them on the objects and in the rooms will suffice," said Glinda. "If Emily would so kindly hand me another bar, I will demonstrate."

Emily brought another granola bar from out and gave it to Glinda. Unwrapping and breaking off a large chunk of it, Glinda began to turn the doorknob.

"Wait! Hold your nose first," said Miss Lan. A great heat and stench emanated from the room when it was opened. Glinda tossed a piece of the Granola Bar of Useful Fulfillment into the room. It was swallowed by the ravenous alligator.

"I wasn't counting on that happening," said Glinda as she stood confused for a moment.

"Just chuck the rest of it in there. He won't eat it now that he's full," said Emily.

After having done so, Glinda watched with the rest of the group as the swamp immediately began to disappear, starting with the alligator.

"Now we can repair the rest of the damages caused by some ignorant and careless writer. Once that's done, I'm going to hunt the person down myself and give him or her to the Mini-Time Dragons for breakfast!" said Miss Lan.

"May, I suggest starting with the lavatory and that we all split up as to accomplish the task quicker?" said Dr. Dillamond somewhat urgently.

"Yes, good idea," said Miss Lan.

After deciding where and what each member would take care of, the party split. Each member equipped with Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment.

---

Lady Bianca was in much need of a Granola Bar of useful fulfillment. She had lost track of how many rights of passage she had gone through. It seemed no matter how many she passed, she always ended up right at the beginning. At least, she no longer was alone.

A few students and staff members, including Boq and Nessarose, had turned right down the same hall Lady Bianca had. All found themselves hopelessly caught in the same never ending right of passage. Of course, since everyone eventually found themselves right at the beginning, it was inevitable they would encounter one another. Still, it didn't keep her from wanting to rip out her hair due to frustration. The whining from the students wasn't helping much either.

"Okay, forget this useless roaming," she said as she stopped walking. "I'm going to preserve whatever strength and sanity I have left."

"You're all staff, shouldn't you know your way all around here? And Nessarose, Boq, you two went to school here. I'll bet there's some hidden secret passageway you discovered in your years of camaraderie and mischief that you don't want to reveal that could get us out of here," said a boy by the name of Firefox Jedi.

"This isn't Hogwarts!" snapped Nessarose. "There are no secret passageways. And while Boq may have been, I was never one for mischief."

"Our group was not like the 'Mauraders' or 'Trio' from Harry Potter that you all happen to be so fond of," added Boq.

Yes, the Harry Potter frenzy had managed to infiltrate the realm of Wicked. Like many of the other staff members, including Nessarose, Boq had read the first book in order to find out what made it or rather the series the most discussed (after Wicked of course) among students. He found himself flying through the next four and pre-ordering the sixth book.

"I'll bet this is some crazy rite that you're making us go through to initiate us as students," said a girl named Shannon.

"Then why are we here going through it as well? And why would choose to do it after the semester has started with only a few students?" asked Lady Bianca.

"Oh," said Shannon as she stopped to think of a response. "Hey! There looks like there's an opening on the left side at the end of the hall!" she said.

"You must be imagining things. We've already established the fact that we can only go right," replied Nessarose,

Shannon ran to the end of the hall, turning left and disappearing. She came back excitedly. "It's real!" At that, everyone took off running towards the end of the hall. Apparently, all that was needed to end the 'right of passage' was use of the right 'rite.'

---

Miss Lan's last task was to clear up the pool of tears in the dining hall. She stood wondering for a moment why there were salmon swimming around in it. Malky came sauntering in; spotting the fish, he dipped his paw in the water attempting to capture one. The cat made her think of Elphaba, so Miss Lan went to talk with Elphaba.

As she was leaving Elphaba's office, Miss Lan came across Lady Bianca. Realizing she hadn't seen Lady Bianca for most the day, Miss Lan stopped to talk with her.

"Are we having fish for dinner or is there some other explanation for the salmon filled pond in the dining hall?" asked Lady Bianca.

"No, just some students serving their detention," replied Miss Lan.

* * *

AN: So finally reuploaded most of OWFU after the grand mishap and drama of having it revoked. Ch. 8 sadly is currently missing due to me writing it on another computer and not saving a portable backup copy or uploading it the net. It wil be Christmas break when I can go back and obtain it in it's full completed form (I have it unfinished on my personal computer). Thanks to all the loyal readers, and I greatly miss your reviews that got deleted along with the story. --Lan 


	8. Originality is All the Colors of the

Disclaimers: I do not own _Wicked_ (the book and musical) or _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.

This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.

As much as I love Harry Potter, I love J.K. Rowling even more for creating him and all the other wonderful characters such as Dumbledore.

Skittles and M & Ms are yummy and copyright of Mars Incorporated.

"Survivor" is copyright of CBS.

Ch 8: Originality is All the Colors of the Rainbow 

Once again students in class were giving a professor reason to vent.

It took Professor Spork a few moments to regain her balance and composure when the students began entering the classroom. She had been rather engaged in spinning herself around in her "rolly chair."

"Good afternoon all. I trust your experiences have been pleasant thus far?" she asked.

A few muffled groans and mutterings answered her.

"Excellent," said Professor Spork, smirking. "Welcome to 'Originality 101' otherwise known as 'Clichés and How to Avoid Them.' I'd first like to start out with a brief poll. How many of you have written sequels to the musical?"

Almost every person in the class's hand shot up. Each person believed his or her story was the greatest work of fanfiction ever created and was simply dying for the chance to read it aloud. Professor Spork simply nodded.

"How many have a written a sequel to the book?"

Half the hands went down.

"Did Glinda and/or Elphaba burst out into tears frequently?"

Once again most the class raised their hands.

"Did Elphaba and Fiyero 'make love' at least once within the story with the lyrics to 'As Long as You're Mine?' following or woven throughout the scene?"

Everyone in the class's hands shot up.

"Don't you people have any BRAINS!"

Several people opened their mouths to reply, but Professor Spork cut them off by saying, "Make a pun about Fiyero, and I'll send you to Miss Lan's office in less than two seconds!"

Those with open mouths quickly shut them. "I suppose the best way to start this course is to first define the term 'cliché.' Someone please tell me what the definition of this word is."

One of the five Glindas in the class raised her hand.

"You there in the pink," said Professor Spork pointing to the girl.

"Me?" chorused all the Glindas and Galindas.

"The one raising her hand!" snapped the Professor.

"Ummm…isn't it like…like…something a lot of people like do…or something like that?" the girl replied timidly.

"'Something like that,' yes in a sense. A cliché is something that is obvious, expected, stereotypical, and common. In regards to the sequels so many of you have written, did any of those stories have an actual plot, substance, direction?"

An average looking girl raised her hand. She was a lone figure in blue jeans and a t-shirt with red hair amidst all the curly-haired blondes in pink dresses.

"Well, I just go this great idea, and it's really original," she said.

"By all means please share with the class," replied Professor Spork.

"Ok, so it starts out that Elphaba actually melts, and Fiyero heartbroken tries to heal his pain and Glinda's by hooking back up with her. He knew Elphaba would have wanted them to go on," she paused a moment to observe the reaction she was getting.

The entire class was enraptured and many were taking notes. Professor Spork was raising an eyebrow.

"But Boq is getting more and more jealous because Glinda still pays more attention to Fiyero than him even though he is a scarecrow. Then Glinda who is trying to learn how to read and use the Grimmerie for good finds this spell. She decides to try to read it out loud and see what happens. Surprise! Elphaba reappears and…"

"Just stop right there," interrupted Professor Spork. She couldn't stand the thought of having to listen to rest of this terribly constructed, over dramatized plot which would clearly include lots of angst, cliff hangers, and love triangles, perhaps even a death or two. "While that is original," said Professor Spork slowly trying to get her point across without promoting bad fanfiction. "as it does have something not many would see coming, I wouldn't recommend acting upon that idea."

The students perked their heads up at the word "original." One boy bravely raised his hand and interrupted the Professor.

"Can we use that idea then?"

"NO! That's the whole purpose of this class and my lecture! How can you be original if you use someone else's idea?" answered Professor Spork sharply. "For homework tonight, I want you all to choose a minor (a.k.a. NOT Elphaba, Fiyero, Glinda, Boq, the Wizard, Nessarose, or Liir) character from the book and write an essay, ranging from two to three pages, that discusses their role in and significance to the story. The main purpose is this is to help you all realize that the characters you are all so over fond of using are not the only ones in and important to the story. Keep in mind you are writing an _essay not a fanfic_. Any questions?"

One of the Glindas raised her hand. "Can we create our own characters? I haven't read the book, and really have no desire to."

"NO!" snapped Professor Spork. "You can only write on a minor character from the book. Unlike many of you I have read the book, so I will know if your character is canonical or not. To those who have not read the book, shame on you. None of you are excused from the assignment. This book is on the reading lists of every one of your classes; there's no excuse for not having it. This assignment will be turned in at the beginning of next class. You all are dismissed."

The students began gathering their belongings grumbling all the time about the ridiculous amounts of homework they were being assigned.

---

"Man, I really didn't want to have to read the book, and now I have to to get this assignment done," groaned Abby on the way out of class to her friend and classmate Elaine.

"Forget reading the book, I'll just skim the book and 'BS' the paper. Worse comes to worse, I can always get my room mate rambling—she's a hardcore book fan," replied Elaine casually.

"Hmmm…not a bad idea, think she'd mind talking to me too?"

"Just tell her you haven't read the book and once she stops berating you, she'll go off on a huge spiel describing every event and character in the book."

How extremely convienient; she wouldn't have to read the book after all Abby thought to herself. This provided her with more free time which could be productively spent on Fiyero glomping, Elphaba hating, and Glinda worshipping, well maybe a little Boq glomping too—he was awfully cute.

---

Elphaba was standing in the front of a shelf in the library pouring over a book. She heard light footsteps coming from behind her and felt someone slip his arms around her waist and breathe lightly on the back of her neck.

She sighed, mildly irritated by the interuption. "Fiyero, you aren't the lust driven beast that some of these writers make you out to be. You know I don't enjoy being bothered while I'm working." As she turned around to face her would-be-seducer, she added coyly, "But if you wait until classes are over…perhaps…we can..."

"WHA!" she exclaimed jumping back rapidly from the embrace of a familiar purple figure. Unfortunately there really was not much space between Elphaba and the bookshelf, and as a result, Elphaba found her back striking up against it quite hard.

"Surprise my love," replied the purple skinned man who had no other alias other than "Elphaba's supposed 'first'."

Elphaba swore angrily. "I thought we got rid of you!"

"You can't be rid of true love."

"This isn't true love."

"What else can it be?"

"_Pure_, _unadulterated_,_ loathing_!" said Elphaba, spitting out every word.

"Playing the shrew now are we my love?"

"I am _not_ your love! This is_ not_ love! Love is _mutual_, this is _not_!"

A look of realization crossed the face of the purple first, Elphaba thought perhaps she'd actually gotten through his thick skull.

"Someone else holds your heart captive." No such luck. "It's that man! The native man with those hideous blue tattoos." As if being an original character with bright purple skin was attractive. "You think he understands you, but he doesn't. He's only using you and will abandon you for some young, sultry creature that he happens to cross paths with. He's probably already doing so now behind your back. If he is, I'll kill him! If he isn't…perhaps…" A look that crossed between pure hatred, jealousy, and plotting appeared on the purple man's face. He suddenly moved away from Elphaba and left the library without even trying to touch her once more.

Elphaba heaved a sigh of relief and eased her aching back away from the bookshelf. Original characters normally weren't well developed and therefore seldom had more intelligence than a teaspoon. This character apparently could only be occupied with one thought at a time. The thought was either his undying love for Elphaba or his absolute hatred for Fiyero. Where was the Gale Force when they were actually needed? On second thought, where was Miss Lan when you needed her? This situation could get grossly out of hand if she, and more importantly Fiyero, wasn't informed.

---

"DUMBLEDORE IS NOT GOING TO DIE!" roared Miss Lan.

"It's a given pattern in all great works of fiction! The mentor has to die in order for the hero to gain full independence and strength to do what must be done!" responded Fiyero equally furious.

"I second that thought," said Nessarose.

"I'm betting it's one of the trio," said Avaric who really didn't care much about Harry Potter, but enjoyed seeing the members of the staff who did care riled up.

"No one asked for your input," snapped Miss Lan.

"Dumbledore is a staple figure and the only one Voldemort is truly afraid of. He has to stay. Likely one of his other mentors will be going; I have to say it will be Lupin," said Glinda.

As mentioned in the previous chapter, Harry Potter mania had also hit the realm of "Wicked" affecting not only the students but staff as well, both canon and non-canon. The staff, having finished lunch, were now engrossed in a heated argument over who was to be the rumored character to die in the sixth book which was to be released in a small number of days.

"Who is Dumbledore, and why does he matter," purred an unfamiliar voice, whilst the owner casually drapped her arm around Fiyero's neck and began stroking his chest.

Fiyero shifted uncomfortably and removed the arm from around his neck. He held on to the arm for a moment, puzzled by the marks he saw on it. He looked up and saw a dark, haired, tan skinned woman, with red tattoos in the shape of lightning bolts covering her skin wearing an alluring smile on her face.

In that same moment, Elphaba appeared at the table where the staff were gathered.

She was pleased to see that the two people she needed to speak to most were present.

"Good, you're both together; saves me a great deal of trouble. That crazy purple skinned man who claims to be my 'first' has managed to find his way back here and is skulking about here somewhere plotting something nasty no doubt."

"And who is this _blinding_ beauty?" said the tattooed woman, her voice dripping with sarcasam. "No doubt a scorned lover."

"She is in fact my lover whom I would _never_ scorn," replied Fiyero with a look of distaste.

"Current?" asked the woman raising an eyebrow.

"Permanent," acidly replied Elphaba.

"Caught him in the act of infidelity didn't you!" shouted a voice excitedly.

"Oh no!" groaned Elphaba.

The purple first came storming up to the staff table. "I told you he would do this to you. Now, come and let me take you away from all this pain," he said grabbing onto Elphaba's arm.

"You just don't get the message do you!" retorted Elphaba, wrenching her arm free.

Fiyero stood up fully intending to deal the purple first a great blow, but the tattooed woman pushed him back into his seat and proceeded to wrap her arms around him.

"She doesn't need your assistance. You see how she scorns men?"

Fiyero was having none of that though. He stood up and non-chalantly shrugged her off.

"How dare you reject the affections Fiona the Chieftess of the Jina-Jen tribe!" she cried.

"What are you talking about? There is no such tribe!" replied Fiyero. He turned away from her and marched over to where the purple first was.

"This means war! Jina-Jen to me!" shouted the enraged Fiona. Instantly, a large number of warriors had appeared behind her, some covered with red tattoos similar to their leader's, others had fiery orange tattoos, and still more had both orange, red, and yellow tattoos.

The students knew better than to be in the middle of a character battle and quickly fled.

"Elphaba why won't you understand that I love you! I was your 'first! We have an unbreakable bond! Doesn't that mean anything!'" entreated the purple first.

"Does the word 'stalker' mean anything to you!" Elphaba replied angrily.

The purple first wasn't given the chance to say anything further. Fiyero dealt him an immense blow.

"That wasn't necessary you know. I've been rather sucessful at taking care of myself," said Elphaba haughtily.

"I couldn't stand him manhandling you. Plus, I had my dignity to defend. I wasn't going to take anymore of his insults," replied Fiyero.

Elphaba's expression softend a bit. "Thank you," she said softly.

The purple first moaned loudly. "It isn't enough that you have her so head over heels in love with you that she can't see how you're manipulating her. You have to destroy any chance of happiness she has!" he declared while clutching to his aching head. "The Hajra are not the type of people to stand by and allow such things to occur. I will free my love from your tyrany at all costs! There will be war between our people! I summon all the warriors of the Hajra!"

Like the Jina-Jens, the entire Hajra army appeared out of nowhere behind their leader. These people were varying shades and tints of purple from royal purple to lavendar. There were even a few fuschia and red-violet colored individuals.

"Great, another non-existant tribe of Oz to deal with," said Fiyero. "I guess it's time to answer the challenge by summoning my tribe. At least mine _actually_ _exists_."

Not two seconds later, the entire Arjiki tribe was behind Fiyero, the members all tattooed in blue. The three groups, all assembled, growled and shot looks of anger at each other, while their leaders bellowed their challenges.

"Why do I feel like a giant bag of genetically mutated Skittles just exploded?" said Miss Lan.

"We're rather short on green though, and blue isn't part of the original Skittles group," observed Emily. "It's more like genetically mutated M & Ms."

"I think we should be more concerned with how to deal with all these rouge original characters rather than finding an analogy to the situation," said Professor WittyFae. "It would be rather tedious, not to mention difficult, to round them all up and send them back 'somewhere' where original characters usually reside."

"I say just let 'em hash it out," said Professor Spork.

"Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea," added Lady Bianca. "Canon trumps 'fanon.'"

"Logical and simple, sounds like a good plan to put in action," said Miss Lan as she got up and proceeded to stand on her chair. "Tribe leaders listen up!"

"Great, I feel like I'm hosting 'Survivor,'" she thought.

Continuing loudly, she said,"Since you all are intent on settling your disputes by use of violence on this campus you are to follow my instructions as I'm headmistress here. First, you are to fight outside the buildings and are confined to the university grounds; I will not have my university made a mess of or you wrecking havoc on the rest of Oz, second, there will be no taking students, staff, or canon characters hostage, other than that go forth and do battle."

The tribe leaders nodded in agreement and saluted Miss Lan. The Hajra led by the purple first left and were followed by Fiona and the Jena-Jin and lastly the Arjikis, Fiyero, and Elphaba.

A fierce battle waged out on the grounds of OWFU for the remainder of the day. That evening the staff had just resumed their lunch time argument in the staff lounge room when an exhausted Fiyero and Elphaba entered. The couple dropped themselves onto a couch, Elphaba leaning against Fiyero's shoulder smiling satisfactorily.

"Am I right to assume that victory was achieved?" asked Miss Lan.

Fiyero nodded.

"No more multi-colored original characters running about, thank Lurline," said Elphaba.

"Like I said, canon will always triumph over 'fanon,'" said Lady Bianca.

"Damages?" inquired Miss Lan.

"Minimal. The grounds look as if someone decided to splash every single color of the rainbow paint all over them, and there's not much shrubbery left. And, as you can see, Elphaba and I are fully intact."

"Excellent work," said Miss Lan. "I greatly appreciate it from both of you."

"Wait, where are is the rest of your tribe?" asked Professor Spork.

"They went back to their place in the canon—the Thousand Year Grasslands," replied Fiyero.

"Oh, I see," Professor Spork said.

"Now, back to what I was saying at lunch, it has been proven over and over again…," began Fiyero.

"I still refuse to believe that Dumbledore will die before book 7," replied Miss Lan firmly.

Needless to say the heated discussion continued much later into the evening.

AN: Finally, an update from those who haven't been with me since the beginning. This was the chapter that was sort of lost and it was written before the release of Harry Potter Book 6. I had saved it on a computer in my second home, thinking I could just download the backup copy from FFN. Well forgot to do so and boom my fic was temporarily deleted and I was missing a chapter. I'm pretty sure I came up with the term "fanon" but if I didn't, well I didn't, and credit goes to whoever did. I also unintentionally threw in a musical moment. Special thanks to Professor Spork for providing me with an excellent beginning to this chapter and letting me alter it to suit my tastes. I greatly appreciate all my staff, students, readers, and reviewers. I know I've been dead to the realm of fanfiction for a while, but I'm sure you all understand when I say it's due to a thing called "college." Updates may be sporadic and likely won't happen until summer when I have time to fully sort things out. Love to you all! --Lan


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